Most viewed jokes

How do you take census in a Polish village?
→ Roll a quarter down the street, count the legs, divide by two, and subtract one for the Jew who catches it.

- Was your master playing catch with you?

- No, I was playing throw with her!

What is the difference between a barking dog and an umbrella?
→ The umbrella can be shut up.

What has 2,000 eyes and 4,000 feet?
→ A thousand dogs.

What happened when the shaggy dog swallowed a teaspoon?
→ He wasn't able to stir.

What is a double-blind study?
→ Two orthopaedists reading an electrocardiogram.

- Doctor, doctor I keep thinking I'm a bee

- Buzz off can't you see I'm busy?

My wife rushed into the supermarket to pick up a few items.
She headed for the express line where the clerk was talking on the phone with his back turned to her.

- Excuse me - she said:

- I'm in a hurry. Could you check me out, please?

The clerk turned, stared at her for a second, looked her up and down, smiled and said:

- Not bad.

A motorist ran into a shop.

- Do you own a black and white cat? - he asked.

- No - replied the manager.

- Oh dear - said the motorist.

- I must have run over a nun.

Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual morning cup of coffee, listening to the weather report coming over the radio.

- There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared - the weather report said.

- You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets.

Ole says:

- Jeez, okay - and gets up from his coffee.

The next day they're sitting down with their morning cups of coffee and the weather forecast declares:

- There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets.

Again, Ole says:

- Jeez, okay - and gets up from his coffee.

Two days later, again they're sitting down with their cups of coffee and the weather forecast says:

- There will be 6 to 9 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the -

Just then the power goes out and Ole doesn't get the rest of the instructions.

He turns to Lena and says:

- Jeez, what am I going to do now, Lena?

Lena replies:

- Aw, Ole, why don't you just leave the car in the garage today?