Guest
Sent Off
- Ref: I'm sending you off
- Player: What for?
- Ref: The rest of the match!
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Guest
Hotel Rabbits
What job do rabbits at hotels have?
→ Bellhop.
Guest
Affectionate Rabbit
What do you call an affectionate rabbit?
→ A tender, loving hare.
Guest
Rabbit and Tortoise Race
How did the close race between the rabbit and the tortoise end?
→ It was won by a hare!
Guest
Stupid, Trouble and Shut Up
One Day Stupid, Trouble, and Shut Up were driving along in their car when Trouble suddenly hurled himself out of the window.
Well, Stupid and Shut Up did not know what to do so they went to the police station. When they got there the chief asked them their names.
- Shut Up - replied Shut Up.
- Stupid - replied Stupid.
The police chief thought these people were telling him to shut up, and were calling him stupid. Which made him very mad.
- Excuse Me! - shouted the chief.
Thinking the chief was hard of hearing, They once again shouted there names.
- Shut Up!
- Stupid!
The police chief was very riled. He then asked:
- Are you looking for trouble?!!!
Stunned at the idea of the chief knowing that they were looking for their friend, they replied:
- Why yes, how did you know?
Acts 2:38
An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening worship service and was startled to find an intruder in her house.
Catching the man in the act of burglarizing her home, she yelled:
- STOP! Acts 2:38! ("Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.")
As the burglar stopped dead in his tracks, the woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. Shortly, several officers arrived and took the man into custody.
As he was placing the handcuffs on the burglar, one of the officers asked:
- Why did you just stand there? All the lady did was mention a scripture verse.
- Scripture? - replied the burglar.
- She said she had an axe and two 38's!
Guest
Glasses and Contacts
A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says:
- Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses.
The woman answered:
- Well, I have contacts.
The policeman replied:
- I don't care who you know! You're getting a ticket!
Guest
Cook and the Runaway Pig
Why is the cook worried about catching his runaway pig?
→ He knows a little ham goes a long way.
Guest
Pigs at Bedtime
- How do you get your pigs to sleep at night?
- No problem. Everyone here goes to bed with the chickens.
- You must have a very large chicken house.
Guest
Hating A Banjo
Why does everyone hate a banjo right off?
→ Saves time.