A boy went to a Halloween party with a sheet over his head.
- Are you here as a ghost? - asked his friends.
- No - he replied - I'm an unmade bed.
Another boy wore a sheet over his head.
- Are you an unmade bed? - asked his friends.
- No - he replied - I'm an undercover agent.
How does a Gorilla become another animal?
→ When a Mafia don hires a 'big Gorilla' to be his bodyguard and the big Ape goes to the cops and turns into a stool pigeon!
- Student 1: Did you know that ghosts are protected by the Constitution?
- Student 2: They are?
- Student 1: Sure. It's in the Bill of Frights!
What's the difference between a vampire and a cookie?
→ You can't dip a vampire in your tea.
An irate woman burst into the baker's shop and said, "I sent my son in for two pounds of cookies this morning but when I weighed them there was only one pound. I suggest you check your scales." The baker looked at her calmly for a moment or two and then replied, "Ma'am, I suggest you weigh your son."
Once there were two chinese gentlemen named Mr. Ho and Mr. Chen. They were neighbors but happened to be very competitive. One day Mr. Ho decided to start a shoe business, he named his store WE DO SHOE. now Mr. Chen decided he must compete with Mr. Ho, so he started a shoe business right next door to Mr. Ho's store and he named it SHOE DO WE.
I just sent my first e-mail.
→ Kongratulations!
When is a dog most impolite?
→ When he points.
A doctor is going round the ward with a nurse and they come to the first bed where the chap is laying half dead.
- Did you give this man two tablets every eight hours? - asks the doctor.
- Oh, no, I gave him eight tablets every two hours! - replies the nurse.
At the next bed the next patient also appears half dead.
- Nurse, did you give this man one tablet every twelve hours?
- Oops, I gave him twelve tablets every one hour - replies the nurse.
Unfortunately at the next bed the patient is well and truly deceased, not an ounce of life.
- Nurse, did you prick his boil? - asks the doctor.
- OH MY GOODNESS! - replies the nurse.
- Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a bell?
- Take these and if it doesn't help give me a ring!
