If you were lost in the woods, who would you trust for directions, an in-tune bagpipe player, an out of tune bagpipe player, or Santa Claus?
→ The out of tune bagpipe player.
The other two indicate you have been hallucinating.
What did the spider say to the bee?
→ Your honey or your life!
Zack and Tybe, two Alabama farm boys, bought themselves a truckload of watermelons for a buck apiece.
They sold each one for a dollar. After counting up their cash, they realized they'd wound up with the same amount of money they'd started out with.
- See! - said Tybe.
- Ah told yew we shoulda got a bigger truck!
- Fred: Do you think I'm a fool?
- Harry: No. But what's my opinion against thousands of others?
- Bob: Did you hear about the camper who was killed by a garter snake?
- Betty: That's impossible. A garter snake is not poisonous.
- Bob: It doesn't have to be if it can make you jump off a cliff!
What happened to Lady Godiva's horse when he saw she had no clothes on?
→ It made him shy!
What goes "Clip"?
→ A one legged horse!
Why did the angel lose her job?
→ She had harp failure.
What do you get if you cross a wireless with a hairdresser?
→ Radio waves!
Why do bald-headed men never use keys?
→ Because they've lost their locks.
