Most viewed jokes

- First cannibal: I don't know what to make of my husband these days.

- Second cannibal: How about a curry?

What is the hamburgers' motto?
→ If at first you don't succeed, fry, fry again!

Did you hear about the new form of birth control for blondes?
→ They take off their makeup.

What a BLONDE will ask the doctor, in the maternity ward?
→ "Is it mine?"

Did you hear about the tree's birthday?
→ It was a sappy one!

- Your ugly.

- And you're drunk.

- Yes, but in the morning I'll be sober!

What criminal doesn't take baths?
→ A dirty crook.

A Scotsman is sitting in a bar in Cuba and is minding his business when a man with a large black beard walks in. The man goes to the bar and orders a shot of whisky. The bartender serves him, the man drinks the whisky then starts walking out the door. The bartender says:

- Hey aren't you going to pay for that?

The man says:

- Excuse me, Castro's Army.

The bartender says:

- Alright then

and the man leaves.

A few minutes later another man with a large black beard walks in. The man goes to the bar and orders a shot of whisky. The bartender serves him, the man drinks the whisky then starts walking out the door. The bartender says:

- Hey aren't you going to pay for that?

The man says:

- Excuse me, Castro's Army.

The bartender says:

- Alright then

and the man leaves.

The Scotsman gets an idea and walks up to the bar and orders a shot of whisky. He drinks the whisky then starts walking out the door. The bartender says:

- Hey aren't you going to pay for that?

The Scotsman says:

- Excuse me, Castro's Army.

The bartender says:

- Hey where is your big black beard?

The Scotsman thinks quickly. He lifts his Kilt and says:

- Secret Service!

A Russian walks into a bar and orders a beer.

- That will be one ruble - says the bartender.

- One ruble! - the customer protests

- last week it was only fifty kopeks!

- Well - replies the bartender

- it's fifty kopeks for the beer and fifty kopecs for the perestroika.

Reluctantly, the customer gives the bartender a ruble, and is surprised when the bartender gives him back fifty kopecs and says:

- We are out of beer.

Your mama is like a pool table, 25 cents and she'll rack your balls.