Most viewed jokes

Why didn't the dog want to play football?
→ It was a boxer!

- Hello? Fred's Restaurant.

- Hello! I'd like to know, do you serve crabs?

- We serve anyone, sir! Come on in!

Why wouldn't the bird let her chicks go near the pig pen?
→ She didn't want the pigs eating shredded tweet.

Old-fashioned Zachary approached Lureen's father, intent upon asking him for her hand in marriage.

- Sir, - he blurted out:

- I have an attachment for your daughter, and

- See here, young man, - interrupted the parent:

- when my daughter needs accessories, I'll buy them myself.

A tourist is sightseeing in a European city. She comes upon the tomb of Beethoven, and begins reading the commerative plaque, only to be distracted by a low scratching noise, as if something was rubbing against a piece of paper.

She collars a passing native and asks what the scratching sound is.

The local person replies:

- Oh, that is Beethoven. He's decomposing.

There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men:

"don't" and "stop".

A student engineer in the office got engaged some time ago. At her wedding, I was reminding her of the first day she wore her ring. None of the other women in the office even noticed.

Finally, in sheer and total exasperation, she said:

- Boy!!! It's so warm in here today, I think I'll take off my ring.

- Cash, check or charge? - I asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I notice a remote control for a television set in her purse.

- Do you always carry your TV remote? - I asked.

- No - she replied - But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him.

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Chile

- Chile who?

- Chile out tonight!

- Knock Knock!

- Who's there?

- Althea!

- Althea who?

- Althea in court!