Most viewed jokes

A minister gave a talk to the Lions Club on sex. When he got home, he couldn't tell his wife that he had spoken about sex, so he said he had discussed horseback riding with the members.

A few days later, she ran into some men at the shopping center and they complimented her on the speech her husband had made.

She said:

- Yes, I heard. I was surprised about the subject matter, as he's only tried it twice. The first time he got so sore he could hardly walk, and the second time he fell off.

A man wakes up early one morning and decides to go Bear hunting.
He tells his wife:

- You've got three choices; you can go Bear hunting with me, I'll do you anally or you can give me a blowjob. I'm gonna load up the truck and get the dog out.

- Make up your mind before I get back.

The man returns twenty minutes later and says:

- Well what's it gonna be?

She say's:

- There's no way I'm going Bear hunting and you're not doing my ass so I guess it's a blowjob.

A couple minutes later she starts choking and spitting and says:

- Jesus, you taste like shit.

- Oh yeah - he replies - The dog didn't want to go Bear hunting' either.

A young bloke has started work on a property, and the boss sends him up the back paddocks to do some fencing work, but come evening he's half an hour late. The boss gets on the CB radio to check if he's all right.

- I've got a problem, Boss. I'm stuck 'ere. I've hit a pig!

- Ah well, these things happen sometimes - the boss says.

- Just drag the carcass off the road so nobody else hits it in the dark.

- But he's not dead, boss. He's gotten tangled up on the bull bar, and I've tried to untangle him, but he's kicking and squealing, and he's real big boss. I'm afraid he's gonna hurt me!

- Never mind - says the boss.

- There's a .303 under the tarp in the back. Get that out and shoot him. Then drag the carcass off the road and come on home.

- Okay, boss.

Another half an hour goes by, but there's still not a peep from the young fella. The boss gets back on the CB.

- What's the problem, son?

- Well, I did what you said boss, but I'm still stuck.

- What's up? Did you drag the pig off the road like I said?

- Yeah boss, but his motorcycle is still jammed under the truck.

When can you count on a hamburger in an emergency?
→ When the chips are down!

What happens when two burgers fall in love?
→ They live together in holy meatrimony!

A blonde was swimming. She swam deeper and deeper until she drowned. Her husband came home and found her dead in the bathtub.

Why was a blind man's leg wet?
→ Her dog was blind too.

A couple of pigeons made a date to meet on the ledge outside the tenth floor of a skyscraper. The female was there on time, but the male arrived an hour late.

- Where were you? I was worried sick.

- It was such nice day, I decided to walk.

What did the rich socialite's parrot say?
→ Polly want a cracker, with cavier please!

What do you call a bunch of chickens playing hide-and-seek?
→ Fowl play!