10 rejected Saturday morning cartoons:
- "Billy, the Homicidal Smurf."
- "Scooby and Shaggy Go To The Retirement Home."
- "Archie, the Abcessed Tooth."
- "Yosemite Sam... UNCENSORED!"
- "The Golden Girls meet The Power Rangers."
- "Da Boys in Mister Rogers Neighborhood."
- "The Land of The Lost... The Barney Years."
- "COPS" in full color animation!
Two old friends met one day after many years. One attended college, and now was very successful. The other had not attended college and never had much ambition.
The successful one said:
- How has everything been going with you?
- Well, one day I opened the Bible at random, and dropped my finger on a word and it was oil. So, I invested in oil, and boy, did the oil wells gush. Then another day I dropped my finger on another word and it was gold. So, I invested in gold and those mines really produced. Now, I'm as rich as Rockefeller.
The successful friend was so impressed that he rushed to his hotel, grabbed a Gideon Bible, flipped it open, and dropped his finger on a page. He opened his eyes and his finger rested on the words, ".
How do Iranians speak on the telephone?
→ Persian-to-Persian (person-to-person).
Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
→ Even then men wouldn't ask for directions!
A minister told his congregation:
- Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17.
The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17.
Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said:
- Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying.
What did the bunny say when he only had thistles to eat?
→ Thistle have to do!
Why wouldn't the piglet's mother let her read romantic novels?
→ She was afraid her daughter would run away with a wolf.
Who is the greatest painter of this century?
→ Pigcasso!
What do you call a lady pig planting seeds?
→ A sow sow.
For two solid hours, the lady sitting next to a man on an airplane had told him about her grandchildren. She had even produced a plastic-foldout photo album of all nine of the children.
She finally realized that she had dominated the entire conversation on her grandchildren.
- Oh, I've done all the talking, and I'm so sorry. I know you certainly have something to say. Please, tell me... what do you think of my grandchildren?
