Guest
Ghost And Porridge
Which ghost ate too much porridge?
→ Ghouldilocks.
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Guest
Cannibal Breakfast
What do cannibals eat for breakfast?
→ Buttered host.
Guest
Potcheen Worm
MacAndrews was visiting his Irish cousin, O'Bannon. While there he decided to do a bit of fishing. As he sat there on afternoon, his cousin walked by.
- What are ye doing? - asked O'Bannon.
- Fishin' - said MacAndrews.
- Caught anything?
- Ach, nae a bite,
- What are ye usin' fer bait?
- Worms
- Let me see it - said O'Bannon.
MacAndrews lifted the line from the water and handed it to his cousin.
O'Bannon took out his flask of potcheen and dipped the worm in it. He handed it back to MacAndrews, who cast his line once more. As soon as the worm hit the water, his rod bent over double, the line screaming out.
- Have ye got a bite? - asked O'Bannon.
- No! The worm's got a salmon by the throat! - shouted MacAndrews, fighting with the rod.
Guest
American Lightbulb
How many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ Two. One to replace it and one to tell him it was burned out (in states that still have car-inspection laws.)
→ Three. One to stand on the ladder, and two to carry enough light bulbs until one is found that isn't defective.
→ 250,000,000, one to change it and 249,999,999 to debate whether it it was politically correct.
Guest
Jewish Mothers Drinking
Why don't Jewish mothers drink?
→ Alcohol interferes with their suffering.
Mexico City Earthquake
Did you hear about the Mexico City earthquake?
→ It did $100 million worth of improvements.
The Alamo
Why did the mexicans fight so hard for the alamo?
→ They wanted 4 clean walls to spray paint.
Guest
Nose In The Middle
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
→ Because it is the scenter (centre).
Guest
Dog Eating a Dictionary
When you catch your dog eating a dictionary, what should you do?
→ Take the words right out of his mouth.
Guest
Pig And Moron
A man was driving up a steep and narrow mountain road. A woman was driving down the same road.
As they passed each other, the woman leaned out the window and yelled:
- Pig!
The man immediately leaned out his window and replied:
- Moron!
They continue on their way and as the man rounded the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.