Most viewed jokes

How is a marriage like a hot bath?
→ Once you get used to it, it's not so hot.

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners. The Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.

- Ladies, exercise is good for you, - announced the teacher.

- Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!

The room was very quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.

- Yes? - asked the instructor.

- Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?

A rural Frenchman was on trial for killing his wife when he found her with a neighbor. Upon being asked why he shot her instead of her lover, he replied, "Ah, m'sieur, is it not better to shoot a woman once than a different man every week?"

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.

After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said:

- Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die.

- Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.

- Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Do not nag him. Most importantly, make love to him regularly.

- If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.

On the way home, the husband asked his wife:

- What did the doctor say?

- He said you're going to die - she replied.

The first lawyer questioning a panel of prospective jurors began right off as an intimidating showman. When he came to his question:

- Do any of you here today dislike lawyers? - they stiffened and hesitated.

Before the pause became too long, the judge announced:

- I do.

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Cosi

- Cosi who?

- Cosi has to!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Chin and Tony

- Chin and Tony who?

- Chin and Tony!

An honest weatherman says, "Today's forecast is bright and sunny with an 80% chance that I'm wrong."

A man sitting in a barber's chair noticed that the barber's hands were very dirty. When he commented on this, the barber explained, "Yes, sir, no one's been in for a shampoo yet."

What happens if you cross an Ape with an octopus?
→ You get a fur coat with lots of sleeves!