Most viewed jokes

Why is the time in the USA behind that of England?
→ Because England was discovered before the USA!

Why does someone who runs marathons make a good student?
→ Because education pays off in the long run!

- Teacher: What family does the octopus belong to?

- Pupil: Nobody I know!

One day Mikey was sitting in his apartment when his doorbell unexpectedly rang. He answered the door and found a salesman standing on his porch with a strange object.

- What is that? - Mikey asked.

- It's a thermos - the salesman replied.

- What does it do? - asked Mikey.

- This baby - the salesman said.

- keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.

After some deliberation Mikey bought one, deciding it would really help his lunch situation. The next day he arrived at the plant where he works. Sure enough, all the other employees were curious about his new object.

- What is it? - they asked.

- It's a thermos - Mikey replied.

- What does it do? - they asked.

- Well - Mikey says in a bragging manner.

- It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.

- What do ya got in it?

To which Mikey says:

- Three cups of coffee and a popsicle.

Two guys were walking along a road in Georgia when they were struck by a police car driven by a drunken cop.

One guy was thrown through the windshield and his buddy was knocked down an embankment.

The first guy was charged with breaking and entering and the second with leaving the scene of an accident.

One day a boy and his father were at the dining room table working on the boy's Social Studies homework, the chapter about government. The boy turns to his father and asks:

- Dad, how many people work in the U.S. government?

The father replies without hesitating:

- Oh, about ten percent.

What would happen if pigs could fly?
→ Bacon would go up!

Talbot and his son James were called to Mrs. Cren-shaw's classroom.

- Mr. Talbot - said the teacher.

- I asked James 'Who shot Abraham Lincoln?' and he said that he didn't do it!

- Well, teacher - said Talbot.

- if my kid said he didn't do it he didn't do it!

Father and son left the school, and on their way home Talbot turned to the boy and asked:

- Tell me, son, did you do it?

- Do you think my skin is starting to show its age?

- I can't tell. There are too many wrinkles.

Two elderly women were staring at the numbers of the floors listed above the elevator door. When asked if they needed any assistance with something, one asked how they were going to be able to reach way up there to push the button for their floor.