Most viewed jokes

- Has all her bricks, but no cement holding them together.

- Has an inferiority complex, but not a very good one.

- Has an IQ one lower than it takes to grunt.

- Has change for a seven dollar bill.

- Has FINO (first in never out) memory.

- Has his brain on cruise control again.

- Has his solar panels aimed at the moon.

- Has it floored in neutral.

- Has no discretionary intellect.

- Has no upper stage.

- Has nothing to say, but delights in saying it.

- Has only one chopstick in the chowmein.

- Has resonance where others have brains.

- Has signs on both ears saying "Space for Rent".

- Has so few thoughts that when he free associates, it's like watching tennis

- Has the attention span of an overripe grapefruit.

- Has the brains of a house plant.

- Has the Grand Canyon under the crew cut.

- Has the IQ of a salad bar / an ice cube / three below houseplant.

- Has the keen awareness of an ostrich in hiding.

- Has the mental agility of a soap dish.

- Has the personality of a snail on Valium.

- Has the same talent as Dr. Doolittle.

- Has two brains one is lost and the other is out looking for it.

- Hasn't caught on that X and Y are relative values.

- Hasn't got all his china in the cupboard.

- Hasn't got the brains God gave a cat.

- Having a party in his head, but no one else is invited.

- He can only type in upper case.

- He can push but he can't pop.

If your watch is broken, why can't you go fishing?
→ Because you don't have the time.

One afternoon a little boy was playing outdoors. He used his mother's broom as a horse and had a wonderful time until it was getting dark.

He left the broom on the back porch. His mother was cleaning up the kitchen when she realized that her broom was missing. She asked the little boy about the broom and he told her where it was.

She then asked him to please go get it. The little boy informed his mom that he was afraid of the dark and didn't want to go out to get the broom.

His mother smiled and said:

- The Lord is out there too, don't be afraid.

The little boy opened the back door a little and said:

- Lord if you're out there, hand me the broom.

- Woman: Officer you must help. I've just lost my wig.

- Police officer: Certainly, ma'am, we'll comb the area.

What nickname did the police give to the new blonde woman police officer?
→ A fair cop.

A cop stops a man for running a stop sign and the subject gives the cop a lot of grief explaining that he did stop.

After several minutes, the cop explained to the gentleman that he didn't stop, he just slowed down a little.

The gentleman said:

- Stop or slow down, what's the difference?.

The cop pulled the guy out of the car and hit him with a nightstick for about a minute and then said:

- Would you like for me to stop or just slow down?

A tourist asks a man in uniform:

- Are you a policeman?

- No, I am an undercover detective.

- So why are you in uniform?

- Today is my day off.

A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie's house, and grandpa Morris gets out.

The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park...and couldn't find his way home.

- Oy Morris, - said grandma.

- You've been going to that park for over 30 years! So how could you get lost?

Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn't hear, Morris whispered:

- I wasn't lost..... I was just too tired to walk home.

Three Republicans walk into a bar.
The bartender says:

- We don't serve Republicans here.

The Republicans say:

- That's OK... We don't serve you either.

How many republicans does it take to raise your taxes?
→ None. The democrats do that.