Most viewed jokes

What are the four food groups?

For bachelors: Fast, Frozen, Junk and Spoiled.
For drinkers: Malt, Hops, Barley and Yeast.
For heavies: Caffeine, Fat, Sugar, Chocolate.

Why men like to fishing so much?
→ They finally found something as smart as them to talk to.

Tim once took his small cousin with him while he went fishing: When he returned, he was looking very fed up.

- I'll never do that again - he complained to his Dad.

- Did she frighten off the fish? - enquired Dad.

- No - replied Tim.

- She sat on the bank and ate all my maggots.

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says:

- Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large.

Then they walk around the ranch a little and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says:

- We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows.

The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks:

- And what are those?

The Aussie asks with an incredulous look:

- Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas?

A very zealous soul-winning young preacher recently came upon a farmer working in his field. Being concerned about the farmer's soul the preacher asked the man:

- Are you laboring in the vineyard of the Lord my good man?

Not even looking at the preacher and continuing his work the farmer replied:

- Naw, these are soybeans.

- You don't understand - said the preacher.

- Are you a Christian?

With the same amount of interest as his previous answer the farmer said:

- Nope my name is Jones. You must be lookin for Jim Christian. He lives a mile south of here.

The young determined preacher tried again asking the farmer:

- Are you lost?

- Naw! I've lived here all my life - answered the farmer.

- Are you prepared for the resurrection? - the frustrated preacher asked.

This caught the farmer's attention and he asked:

- When's it gonna be?

Thinking he had accomplished something the young preacher replied:

- It could be today, tomorrow, or the next day.

Taking a handkerchief from his back pocket and wiping his brow, the farmer remarked:

- Well, don't mention it to my wife. She don't get out much and she'll wanna go all three days.

Two men drive into a car wash. Which one is the Irishman?
→ The one on the motorbike.

You go to a cockfight. How do you know if a Polak is there?
→ He's the one with a duck.

Three guys are debating about which of their languages is the most pleasing to the ear.

The Spaniard says:

- Consider the word for 'butterfly'. In Spanish, it is pronounced 'Mariposa', a beautiful sounding word.

The French man says:

- True, but Papillion, the French word for butterfly, is even more beautiful.

- What's wrong with Schmetterlink - asks the German?

What's the national anthem of Puerto Rico?
→ "Attention K-Mart shoppers..."

How does James Bond type e-mails?
→ With his goldfinger.