Most viewed jokes

What does it mean to come home to a man who'll give you some love and tenderness?
→ You're in the wrong house.

A little kid comes running into the backyard.

He says:

- Pop! Pop! Ma just got hit by a bus!

- Son, you know my lips are chapped. Please don't make me smile.

In the midst of a veritable downpour, a gallant driver saw a woman alone in the mud trying to change a flat tire, and couldn't bear passing her by. He completed the job for her, and, soaked to the skin, exclaimed jovially, "There, little lady, that's done!" "Quiet," she ordered him. "You'll wake up my husband. He's taking a nap in the back seat."

- Do you love me more than you love sleep?

- I can't answer now. It's time for my nap!

- First boy: My dad saw a horrible witch and didn't turn a hair!

- Second boy: I'm not surprised - your dad's bald!

What did the mother ghost tell the kid ghost when he went out to play?
→ "Don't get your sheets dirty!"

- Say something soft and sweet to me.

- Dracula: Marshmallows, chocolate fudge cake...

Why are sardines the stupidest fish in the sea?
→ Because they climb into tins, close the lid and leave the key outside!

How do you get down from an aerial ladder?
→ You don't get down from an aerial ladder. You get down from a duck.

An Arab diplomat visiting the U.S. for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American foods (french fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water. Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty-handed. Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water? demanded the Grand Emir. A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One, stammered the wretched Abdul, white man sit on well.