An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.
- Let's have a party, Homer - she suggested.
- Let's kill a pig.
The farmer scratched his grizzled head.
- Gee, Ethel - he finally answered:
- I don't see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago.
Why did Dr Frankenstein have his telephone cut off?
→ Because he wanted to win the Nobel prize!
- Mother: What was the first thing you learned in class?
- Daughter: How to talk without moving my lips!
What do you call a rabbit who tells jokes?
→ A funny bunny
A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn't find it, so she asked a police officer for directions:
- Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?
The officer replied:
- Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It'll take you right there.
She thanked the officer and he drives off.
Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and, sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop. The officer got out of his car and said:
- Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus. That was three hours ago. Why are you still waiting?
The blonde replied:
- Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now. The 45th bus just went by!
- Why do pigs run into trees?
- To shake out the alligators.
- I've never seen an alligator in a tree.
- That's because the pigs do such a good job.
Why didn't the piglets listen to the teacher pig?
→ Because he was an old boar.
What do pigs do on nice afternoons?
→ They go on pignics.
A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.
Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.
The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing.
The patient replied:
- Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?
The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing.
Patient #1 replied:
- Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb.
The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red.
The doctor asks Patient #1:
- If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself
Patient #1 replies:
- What? And work in the dark?
What does a man consider to be a seven course meal?
→ A hot dog and a six pack.
