Most viewed jokes

What do you get if you cross a ghost and a newsreader?
→ A spooksman!

Why were the trick-or-treaters wearing grass skirts?
→ Because it was Hulaween!

What's the first thing ghosts do when they get into a car?
→ They boo-kle their seatbelts

What do romantic fish sing to each other?
→ Salmon-chanted evening!

What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
→ You can't tuna fish.

What do you get if you cross a bee with a parrot?
→ An animal that's always telling you how busy it is!

What's another name for a clever duck?
→ A wise quacker!

What do you call a crate of ducks?
→ A box of quackers!

Mum caught little Johnny jerking his meat off one day.

She told him:

- Johnny dearest, good boys save it till they're 18.

Johnny did. And by 18, he had 11 jars full!

A woman walks into her sex therapist's office and tells her that her husband is not a very good lover, and they never have sex anymore, and asks what to do about it. The therapist tells her that she has an experimental drug that might do the trick. She tells the woman to give her husband one pill that night and come back in the morning and tell her what happened.

The next day, the woman comes in ecstatic telling the therapist that the pill worked and she and her husband had the best sex ever. She asks her therapist what would happen if she gave her husband two pills and the therapist says she doesn't know, but to go ahead and try it.

The next day, the same thing happens, the woman comes in telling the therapist that the sex was even better than the night before and what would happen if she gave him five pills. The therapist says she doesn't know, but to go ahead and try it.

The next day, the woman comes in limp but happy, and tells the therapist that the sex just keeps getting better and what would happen if she gave her husband the rest of the bottle. The therapist says she doesn't know; it's an experimental drug and she doesn't know what a full bottle could do to a person.

Anyway, the woman leaves the therapist's office and put the rest of the bottle of pills in the husband's morning coffee.

A week later, a boy walks into the therapist's office and says:

- Are you the dumb fuck who gave my mother a bottle of experimental pills?

- Why, yes, young man, I did. Why?

- Well, mom's dead, my sister's pregnant, my ass hurts, and dad's sittin' in the corner going 'Here, kitty, kitty, kitty...'