Most viewed jokes

What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole?
→ A Hot Cross bunny.

What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
→ I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.

How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?
→ One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.

What's the difference between Personal Injury lawyers and Congress?
→ No fee--If No Recovery!

Republicans first began thinking like Republicans when they stopped believing in Santa Claus.
Democrats became Democrats because they never stopped believing in Santa Claus.

What do you call pigs in a demolition derby?
→ Crashing boars.

What did the pig do when a beetle landed in his feed trough?
→ He ate it quickly, before the others could ask him to share.

Tad looked up from the book on ancient history he was reading and asked his father:

- Pop, what's a millennium?

- Well - he muttered.

- I think it's something like a centennial, only it has more legs!

An 80-year-old man is having his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how he's feeling.

- I've never been better! - he replies:

- I've got an 18-year-old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?

The doctor considers this for a moment, then says:

- Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a season. But one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun.

- So he's in the woods - the doctor continues:

- and suddenly a grizzly bear appears in front of him! He raises up his umbrella, points it at the bear, and squeezes the handle. The bear drops dead in front of him, suffering from a bullet wound in its chest.

- That's impossible! Someone else must have shot that bear - the man said.

- Exactly.

What is the difference between a banjo and an Uzi submachine gun?
→ An Uzi only repeats 40 times.