Most viewed jokes

10 signs Santa has been drinking:

- While your child is on his lap, he tells them they're not getting his Bud Light.

- You see his sleigh pulled over and the police with a breathlyzer.

- Those darn milk and cookies never worked but the Jack Daniels does!

- You don't remember getting a request for venison in your stocking.

- Betty Ford releases him on December 24th.

- After each child, he has a Jello Shot.

- This year the sleigh is being pulled by the Schlitz Malt Liquor Bull.

- He jumps down a manhole and then gets angry when he can't find the tree.

- Instead of going Onward, Dancer and Prancer...he just grumbles and says "Awww...just get going!"

At a remote monastery deep in the woods, the monks followed a rigid vow of silence. This vow could only be broken once a year on Christmas, by one monk, and the monk could speak only one sentence.

One Christmas, Brother Thomas had his turn to speak and said:

- I love the delightful mashed potatoes we have every year with the Christmas roast!

Then he sat down. Silence ensued for 365 days.

The next Christmas, Brother Michael got his turn, and said:

- I think the mashed potatoes are lumpy and I truly despise them!

Once again, silence ensued for 365 days.

The following Christmas, Brother Paul rose and said:

- I am fed up with this constant bickering!

What do you think of Dracula films?
→ Fangtastic!

Why did the girl who worked for the telephone company sing all the time?
→ Because she was an operetta (operator).

What do they call pastors in Germany?
→ German Shepherds.

What kind of bread do pig ladles make in the Yukon?
→ Sow-r dough bread.

The kids are crazy about a new piglet toy.
When they wind it up, it eats all the spinach off their plates.

An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will and make her final requests.
She told her rabbi she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Bloomingdales.

- Bloomingdales! - the rabbi exclaimed.

- Why Bloomingdales?

- Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week.

Men are like coffee.
The best ones are rich, hot and can keep you up all night.

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Chrysalis

- Chrysalis who?

- Chrysalis the cake for you!