Most viewed jokes

Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
→ She kept throwing out all the "W"s!

To a blonde, what is long and hard?
→ Grade 4.

Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners?
→ So brunettes can remember them.

What is black and blue and brown lying in a ditch?
→ A brunette who has told too many blonde jokes.

So, I recently took a tour of the White House, and on the tour our guide pointed out the new name to the "Oval Office", seems someone liked the name the "Oral Office" better!

A lieutenant was brilliant in military matters, but lacked a few social graces. One day he called a soldier in to the office and said:

- Kramer, your grandmother died.

The soldier fell apart. After he left, the colonel told the lieutenant:

- You could have been a little more tactful. I have some books at home that could help you.

The lieutenant read the half-dozen books lent him by the colonel and was ready for the next crisis. Private Taylor's grandfather had passsed away.

The next morning, at reveille, the lieutenant said:

- Men, how many of you have a grandfather still living? Not so fast, Private Taylor!

- EARTH FIRST! We'll strip mine the other planets later.

- If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.

- No, I don't have a license to kill; it's just a learners permit.

- Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect.

- Sure you can trust the government! Just ask an Indian!

- Taxation WITH representation Ain't so hot, either!

- White water... It's all over when the First Lady sings.

- Who were the beta testers for Preparations A through G?

Monica Lewinsky was walking on the beach when she found a lantern washed up on the shore. She started to rub it and out popped a genie.

- Oh goodie, now I will get three wishes! - she exclaimed.

No - said the genie:

- You have been very bad this year, and because of this, I can only give you one wish.

- Lets see - says Monica:

- I don't need fame, because I have plenty of that due to all of the media coverage.

- And I don't need money, because after I write my book, and do all my interviews, I'll have all the money I could ever want.

- I would like to get rid of these love handles, though.

- Yeah, that's it,for my one wish, I would like my love handles removed.

Poof!, and just like that, her ears were gone!

A young boy, about eight years old, walks into the local grocery store and picks our a huge box of laundry detergent.

The grocer walked over, and trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.

- Oh, no laundry - the boy said - I'm going to wash my dog!

- But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him.

But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.

About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.

- Oh, he died - the boy said sadly.

The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but added:

- I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog!

- Well - the boy replied - I don't think it was the detergent that killed him.

- Oh? What was it then?

- I think it was the spin cycle!

IT'S NOT EASY BEING A GUY

Pity us men.........

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist.

If you stay home and do the housework, you're a sissy.

If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.

If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation.

If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your but and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism.

If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment.

If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.

If you cry, you're a wimp.

If you don't, you're an insensitive jerk.

If you thump her, it's wife bashing.

If she thumps you, it's self defense.

If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist.

If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.

If she asks you, it's a favor.

If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you're a pervert.

If you don't, you're a fag.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're sexist.

If you don't, you're unromantic.

If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain.

If you don't, you're a slob.

If you buy her flowers, you're after something.

If you don't, you're not thoughtful.

If you're proud of your achievements, you're up on yourself.

If you don't, you're not ambitious.

If she has a headache, she's tired.

If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.

If you want it too often, you're oversexed.

If you don't, there must be someone else.

What should you do if a vampire borrows your comic?
→ Wait for him to give it back.