Guest
Piglets in School
- MOTHER PIG: What did you learn in school today?
- FIRST PIGLET: Oink! Oink!
- SECOND PIGLET: Oink! Oink!
- THIRD PIGLET: Woof! Woof!
- MOTHER PIG: What?
- THIRD PIGLET: I'm taking a foreign language.
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Guest
Short Circuit
- Frankenstein: Help, I've got a short circuit!
- Igor: Don't worry, I'll lengthen it.
Guest
Veterans Bragging
A trio of old veterans were bragging about the heroic exploits of their ancestors one afternoon down at the VFW hall.
- My great grandfather, at age 13 - one declared proudly - was a drummer boy at Shiloh.
- Mine - boasts another - went down with Custer at the Battle of Little Big Horn.
- I'm the only soldier in my family - confessed vet number three - but if my great grandfather was living today he'd be the most famous man in the world.
- Really? What'd he do? - his friends wanted to know.
- Nothing much. But he would be 165 years old.
Guest
Knock Knock Cargo
- Knock Knock
- Who's there?
- Cargo
- Cargo who?
- Cargo better if you fill it with gas first!
Guest
Green And Spinning
Whats green and goes round and round at 100 miles an hour?
→ A frog in a blender!
Guest
The Fishing Doctor
A small town Doctor was famous in the area for always catching large fish.
One day while he was on one of his frequent fishing trips he got a call that a woman at a neighboring farm was giving birth. He rushed to her aid and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The farmer had nothing to weigh the baby with so the Doctor used his fishing scales.
The baby weighed 22 lbs 10 oz..
Guest
Pens And Cars
Only in America do we chain $2.00 ink pens to the counter but leave our $58,000 cars out in the driveway.
Guest
Gum Crosses The Road
Why did the gum cross the road?
→ Because it was under the elephants foot.
Guest
Flower Sniffing Dog
What kind of dog sniffs out new flowers?
→ A bud hound!
Guest
Cruise Special
A blonde walks by a travel agency and notices a sign in the window, "Cruise Special -- $99!". She goes inside, lays her money on the counter and says:
- I'd like the $99 cruise special, please.
The agent grabs her, drags her into the back room, ties her to a large inner tube, then drags her out the back door and downhill to the river, where he pushes her in and sends her floating.
A second blonde comes by a few minutes later, sees the sign, goes inside, lays her money on the counter, and asks for the $99 special. She too is tied to an inner tube and sent floating down the river.
Drifting into stronger current, she eventually catches up with the first blonde. They float side by side for a while before the first blonde asks:
- Do they serve refreshments on this cruise?
The second blonde replies:
- They didn't last year.