Guest
Men Are Like High Heels
Men are like high heels.
They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
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Burger Honeymoon
Where did the burgers go after their wedding?
→ On a bun-eymoon!
Guest
Twenty-Fifth Anniversary Trip
For their 25th wedding anniversary, a man decides to take his wife on a trip to France. After two weeks touring France, they return to the airport for the trip back to America.
While waiting for the plane, the wife turns to her husband and says:
- This was the most wonderful gift I could have asked for on our 25th anniversary. I can't wait to hear what you have in mind for our 50th anniversary!
Her husband leaned over, kissed her on the cheek, and said:
- I'm going to come back and get you
Apes And Tall Buildings
Why do Apes like tall buildings?
→ They want to climb the heights of the business world!
Guest
Deaf Boat Captain
What do you call a deaf fishing boat captain?
→ Anything you like, he can't hear you.
Guest
Fishing Tackle Limit
How much fishing tackle can a man accumulate before his wife throws him out?
→ I don't know the answer but I think I'm nearly there.
Guest
Runaway Coffin
A coffin was being moved when it fell off a wagon, and started down the hill. One of the morticians started chasing it. As it rolled past the hospital, the mortician yelled to one of the nurse practitioners walking by, "Doc, quick, give me something to stop this coffin."
Guest
Three Condemned Cowboys
Back in the Old West three Texas cowboys were about to be hung for cattle rustling. The lynch mob brought the three men to a tree right at the edge of the Rio Grande. The idea was that when each man had died, they'd cut the rope and he'd drop into the river and drift out of sight.
They put the first cowboy in the noose, but he was so sweaty and greasy he slipped out, fell in the river and swam to freedom.
They tied the noose around the second cowboy's head. He, too, oozed out of the rope, dropped into the river and got away.
As they dragged the third Texan to the scaffold, he resisted:
- Please! Would yaw'l tighten that noose a little bit? I can't swim!
Guest
Parking Ticket Notes
A driver tucked this note under the windshield wiper of his automobile:
- I've circled the block for 20 minutes. I'm late for an appointment, and if I don't park here I'll lose my job. Forgive us our trespasses.
When he came back he found a parking ticket and this note:
- I've circled the block for 20 years, and if I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation.
Guest
Candles On The Toilet
Why did the boy put candles on the toilet?
→ He wanted to have a birthday potty!