Most viewed jokes

Do pigs like Backgammon?
→ No, they prefer their backs scratched.

A country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby.

It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see, while he helped the woman deliver the baby.

The child did so, the mother pushed and after a little while, the doctor lifted the newborn baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.

The doctor then asked the 5-year-old what he thought of the baby.

- Hit him again - the 5-year-old said.

- He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!

Minutes before the cremation, the undertaker quietly sat down next to the grieving widow.

- How old was your husband? - he asked.

- He was ninety-eight - she answered softly:

- Two years older than I am.

- Really? - the undertaker said:

- Hardly worth going home, wouldn't you say?

Why is King Kong big and hairy?
→ So you can tell him apart from a gooseberry.

Why did the girl Gorilla, engaged to the invisible man, call off the wedding?
→ Because in the last analysis she just couldn't see it!

This small Latino man walks into a bar, sits, and orders a beer. A big man comes in, taps him on his shoulder, and says:

- You're sitting in my seat!

The same Spanish man ignores him and orders another beer. The man again taps him on his shoulder, and tells him he's sitting in his seat.

The same Spanish man gets up, leans over the seat, and says:

- I don't see your name on it.

He sits down again and orders still another beer.

- The man says... I know Karate!

The small Latino man says:

- I know JUDO! JU DON'T KNOW IF I HAVE A GUN! JU DON'T KNOW IF I HAVE A KNIFE!

What do West Virginians call a pretty woman?
→ A tourist.

Why did the poor dog chase his own tail?
→ He was trying to make both ends meet!

What do you get if you take a really big dog out for a walk?
→ A Great Dane out!

Why is food better than men?
→ Because you don't have to wait an hour for seconds.