Most viewed jokes

What is the difference between pink and purple?
→ The grip, man, its all in the grip!

So, this penguin goes into a bar and says to the barman "have you seen my brother?"... and the barman says "I don't know, what does he look like?" (ba-dum-tish)

God created Adam and informed him that he had given him a brain and a penis. The brain was a good gift as it allowed him to do many things.

The penis was also a good thing as it allowed the race to continue. The problem was that God had only given Adam enough of a blood supply so that he could only use one of them at a time.

Men are naturally competitive. Even in the Garden of Eden, Adam was afraid Eve would like the snake's fruit better than his.

What's the difference between snowmen and snowladies?
→ Snowballs.

A Canadian is on vacation and walks into a bar.

He sits on this HUGE stool and says to the bartender:

- man, I heard things are big down here in Texas, but this is ridiculas!

and orders a mug of beer.

He gets a pitcher of beer and asks the bartender:

- man, I heard that things are big down here in Texas, but this is ridiculas!

and goes about drinking his beer. He orders another and he gets really pissed drunk.

Well, not too long later, he has to go to the bathroom really, really bad so he asks the bartender:

- Where is your washroom???

The bartender says:

- down the hall, second door on the right.

So the man climbs off the stool and stumbles down the hall and enters the second door to the left and falls in this huge swimming pool.

The man is struggling to stay afloat and screams:

- DON'T FLUSH IT!!!

There was this virgin that was going out on a date for the first time and she told her grandmother about it.

So, the grandmother says sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. He is going to try to kiss you, you are going to like that but, don't let him do that.

He is going to try to feel your breast, you are going to like that but, don't let him do that.

He is going to try to put his hand between your legs , you are going to like that but, don't let him do that.

But most important, he is going to try to get on top of you and have his way with you. You are going to like that but, don't let him do that, it will disgrace the family.

With that bit of advise, the granddaughter went on her date and could not wait to tell her grandmother about it. So, the next day she told her grandmother that her date went just like she said.

But she said:

- grandmother I didn't let him disgrace the family.

- When he tried I turned over, got on top of him and disgraced his family!

Why are tornadoes and marriage alike?
→ They both start with a lot of blowing and sucking, but in the end you always lose your house.

Your Momma is so fat the last time she saw 90210 was on a scale.

There was a boy riding on his bike outside a church.

The priest saw him and told him to come into the church and the boy said:

- ... But they'll steal my bike.

The priest explained how the Holy Spirit would take care of it, so they went inside.

The priest showed the boy how to make the sign of the cross and told the boy to repeat it...

- In the name of the Father, The Son... Amen

The priest said:

- What about the Holy Spirit?

The boy replied:

- Its outside taking care of my bike!

A man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce. The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says:

- Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce.

- Because, - the man says - I live in a two-story house.

The Judge replies:

- What kind of a reason is that! What's the big deal about a two-story house?

The man answers:

- Well Judge, one story is...I have a headache and the other story is It's that time of the month!