Most viewed jokes

An attorney was sitting in his office late one night, when the Devil appeared before him. The Devil told the lawyer:

- I have a proposition for you. You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your soul, your wife's soul, your children's souls, the souls of your parents, grandparents, and parents-in-law, and the souls of all of your friends and law partners.

The lawyer thought about this for a moment, then asked:

- So, what's the catch?

Why should you be careful playing against a team of big cats?
→ They might be cheetahs!

Why is Congress like a cold?
→ Because sometimes the ayes (eyes) have it and sometimes the no's (nose).

When is a pig an ecologist?
→ When he recycles garbage into ham.

Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other:

- Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?

- Outstanding - Fred replied - They taught us all the latest psychological techiniques-visulization, association-it made a huge difference for me.

- That's great! What was the name of the clinic?

Fred went blank He thought and thought, but couldn't remember.

Then a smile broke across his face and he asked:

- What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?

- You mean a rose?

- Yes, that's it!

He turned to his wife. . .

- Rose, what was the name of that clinic?

There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him.

An angel hears his plea and appears to him.

- Sorry, but you can't take your wealth with you. The man implores the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules.

The man continues to pray that his wealth could follow him. The angel reappears and informs the man that God has decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathers his largest suitcase and fills it with pure gold bars and places it beside his bed.

Soon afterward the man dies and shows up at the Gates of Heaven to greet St. Peter. St. Peter seeing the suitcase says:

- Hold on, you can't bring that in here!

But, the man explains to St. Peter that he has permission and asks him to verify his story with the Lord. Sure enough, St. Peter checks and comes back saying:

- You're right. You are allowed one carry-on bag, but I'm supposed to check its contents before letting it through.

St. Peter opens the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaims:

- You brought pavement?!!!

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
→ They have big fingers.

What did the Gorilla do when he saw the sign, 'Clean Washroom'?
→ He cleaned it!

An insect falls into a mug of beer.

English Man: Throws his mug of bear on the floor and walks out.

American Man: Takes out the insect and drinks tbe beer.

Chinese Man: Eats the insect and throws the beer.

Indian Man: Sells the insect to the Chinese and the beer to the Englishman and buys himself a new mug of beer.

Pakistani Man: Accuses the Indian of throwing the insect into his mug, relates the issue to Kashmir, asks the Chinese for military aid and takes a loan to buy another mug of beer.

There were three men working at the top of a building. One was Chinese, one was Mexican, and the other one was Polish. At lunch they went to the edge and the top of the building the Mexican guy pulled out a taco and he said if I get another taco I am gonna jump off this bulding tomorrow. The Chinese guy pulled out fried rice and said if I get fried rice tomorrow I'm gonna jump off with you. The Polish guy pulled out a ham sanwich and said if I get another ham sandwich I'm gonna jump tomorrow with you guys too. The next day the Mexican guy got a taco so he jumped off. The Chinese guy got fried rice so he jumped off. The Polish guy got a ham sandwich so hey jumped off the building. The next day their wives had a triple funeral and the Mexican guy's wife was crying and she said I could have made him a burrito or something. The Chinese guy's wife was cring and said I could have made him some sushi. The Polish guy's wife couldn't stop laughing. The other's asked what was so funny? She stopped for a second and said that he had always made his own lunch.