Most viewed jokes

What do you call a Scottish parrot?
→ A Macaw!

- Romeo: Your cheeks are like petals.

- Juliet: Really?

- Romeo: Yes, bicycle pedals.

- Counselor: How many times did I tell you to make your bed?

- Jane: I can't answer. I didn't know I was supposed to keep count!

A regular at Bob's Bar came in one evening sporting a matched pair of swollen black eyes that appeared extremely painful.

- Whoa, Sam! - said the bartender.

- Who gave those beauties to you?

- Nobody gave them to me - said Sam.

- I had to fight like crazy for both of them.

John Smith lived in Staten Island, New York and worked in Manhattan. He had to take the ferryboat home every night. One evening, he got down to the ferry and found there was a wait for the next boat, so John decided to stop at a nearby tavern. Before long he was feeling no pain.

When he got back to the ferry slip, the ferryboat was just eight feet from the dock. Smith, afraid of missing this one and being late for dinner, took a running leap and landed right on the deck of the boat.

- How did you like that jump, buddy? - said a proud John to a deck hand.

- It was great - said the sailor.

- But why didn't you wait? We were just pulling in!

McPherson walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave.

- S'cuse me - said another bar patron, who was puzzled over what McPherson had done. What was that all about?

- Nothing - said the Irishman, my wife sent me out for a jar of olives.

What do you get if you cross a mountain and a baby?
→ A cry for Alp!

A husband and wife enter a dentist's office. The Wife says:

- I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible.

- You're a brave woman - says the dentist.

- Now, show me which tooth it is.

The wife turns to her husband and says:

- Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear.

Ask not for whom the bell tolls; let the machine get it.

Hit Television Shows in Iraq:

- "Husseinfeld"

- "Mad About Everything"

- "U.S. Military Secrets Revealed"

- "Suddenly Sanctions"

- "Allah McBeal"

- "Children Are Forbidden From Saying Anything Darndest"

- "Matima Loves Chachi"

- "The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show"

- "Buffy The Slayer of Yankee Imperialist Dogs"

- "Wheel of Fortune and Terror"

- "Iraq's Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers"

- "Achmed's Creek"

- "The Price is Right If Saddam Says It's Right"

- M*U*S*T*A*S*H

- "Veronica's Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses"

- "Two Guys, a Girl, and a Mosque"

- "When Kurds Attack"

- "Just Shoot Me"

- "My Two Baghdads"

- "Captured Iranian Soldiers Say the Darndest Things"

- "Two Guys, a Girl and a Fatwah"

- "Totally Clothed Baywatch"