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Boudreaux went into the fish market to apply for a job. The boss thought to himself - I'm not hiring that lazy Cajun, so he decided to set a test for Boudreaux hoping he wouldn't be able to answer the questions and he'd be able to refuse him the job without getting into an argument.

The first question was:

- Without using numbers, represent the number 9.

Boudreaux says:

- Dat's easy

and proceeds to draw three trees.

The boss says:

- What in the world is that?

Boudreaux says:

- Tree 'n tree 'n tree makes nine.

- Fair enough - says the boss.

- Second questions, same rules, but represent 99.

Boudreaux stares into space for a while, then makes a smudge on each tree.

- Der ya go sir - he says.

The boss scratches his head and asks:

- How on earth do you get that to represent 99?

Boudreaux answers:

- Each tree is dirty now, so it's dirty tree 'n dirty tree 'n dirty tree - dat 99.

The boss is getting worried he's going to have to hire Boudreaux so he says:

- All right, question number 3. Same rules again, but this time represent the number 100.

Boudreaux stares into space again, then he shouts:

- I got it!

He makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says:

- Der ya go sir - 100.

The boss looks at Boudreaux's attempt and thinks, "Ha! got him this time." He then tells Boudreaux:

- Go on, Boudreaux, you must be crazy if you think that represents a 100.

Boudreaux leans forward and points to the little marks at the tree bases and says...:

- A little dog comes along and craps by each tree, so now ya got - dirty tree an' a turd, dirty tree an' a turd, and dirty tree an' a turd, which makes 100.

- When do I start my job?!

1. Coca-cola was originally green.
2. Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than for the US Treasury.
3. Smartest dogs: 1) border collie; 2)poodle; 3)golden retriever.
4. Dumbest dog: Afghan
5. Hawaiian alphabet has 12 letters.
6. Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better.
7. Chances that an American lives within 50 miles of where they grew up: 1 in 2
8. Amount American Airlines saved in '87 by taking out 1 olive from each salad served in first class: $40,000
9. City with the most Rolls Royce's per capita: Hong Kong
10. State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska
11. Chances of a white Christmas in New York: 1 in 4
12. Portion of US annual rainfall that falls in April: 1/12
13. Percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%
14. Percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
15. Estimated % of American adults who go on diet each year: 44%
16. Barbie's measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33
17. Average number of days a West German goes without washing his underwear: 7
18. Percentage of Americans who say that God has spoken to them: 36%
19. Percentage of Americans who regularly attend religious services: 43%
20. City with highest per capita viewership of TV evangelists: Washington DC
21. Percentage of American men who say they would marry the same woman if they had it to do all over again: 80%
22. % of American women who say they would marry the same man: 50%
23. % of men who say they are happier after their divorce or separation: 58%
24. % of women who say they are happier after their divorce or separation: 85%
25. Number of different family relationships for which Hallmark makes cards: 105
26. Cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400
27. Average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000.
28. Percentage of Americans who have visited Disneyland or Disney World: 70%
29. Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.
30. Portion of ice cream sold that is vanilla: 1/3
31. Portion of potatoes sold that are French fried: 1/3
32. Percentage of Americans that eat at McDonald's each day: 7
33. Percentage of bird species that are monogamous: 90%
34. Percentage of mammal species that are: 3%
35. Number of US states that claim test scores in their elementary schools are above national average: 50%
36. Portion of Harvard students who graduate with honors: 4/5
37. Chances that a burglary in the US will be solved: 1 in 7.
38. Portion of land in the US owned by the government: 1/3
39. Only President to remain a bachelor: James Buchanon
40. Only first lady to carry a loaded revolver: Eleanor Roosevelt
41. Only President to win a Pulitzer: John F. Kennedy for "Profiles in Courage"
42. Only President awarded a patent: Abe Lincoln, for a system of buoying vessels over shoals
43. Only food that does not spoil: honey
44. Only person to win $64,000 Challenge and $64,000 Question: Dr. Joyce Brothers (subject is boxing)
45. Only bird that can fly backwards: Hummingbird
46. Only continent without reptiles or snakes: Antarctica
47. Only animal besides human that can get sunburn: pig
48. Ostriches stick their heads in the sand to look for water.
49. An eagle can kill a young deer and fly away with it.
50. In the Caribbean there are oysters that can climb trees.
51. Polar bears are left-handed.
52. Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
53. Eskimos never gamble.
54. The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.
55. The youngest pope was 11 years old.
56. Mark Twain didn't graduate from elementary school.
57. Proportional to their weight, men are stronger than horses.
58. Pilgrims ate popcorn at the first Thanksgiving dinner.
59. Your nose and ears never stop growing.
60. Jupiter is bigger than all the other planets in our solar system combined.
61. Hot water is heavier than cold.
62. The parachute was invented by da Vinci in 1515.
63. They have square watermelons in Japan. They stack better.
64. Cream does not weigh as much as milk.
65. Starfish have eight eyes-one at the end of each leg.
66. Iceland consumes more Coca-cola per capita than any other nation.
67. First novel ever written on a typewriter was "Tom Sawyer."
68. There are more collect calls on Father's Day than any other day of the year.
69. Heinz Catsup leaving the bottle travels at 25 miles per year.
70. It is possible to lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs.
71. Men get hiccups more often than women.
72. Armadillos can be housebroken.

Supposedly, these are actual advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country.

For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy.
Great Dames for sale.
Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.
If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin.
Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in. The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.

Why was the vampire thought of as simple-minded?
→ Because he was a complete sucker.

George W. Bush and Osama bin Laden are having a conversation via Al Jazeera television. Bin Laden tells George Bush:

- There is no point of engaging in further war. I can see total peace in the future!

George Bush replies:

- Oh yeah and tell me what you see?

Osama answers:

- I can see New York, with new great buildings on one side and beautiful new buildings on the other side, and everything is peaceful and wonderful.

George Bush says:

- Wow is that what you see? Well I'll tell ya what I see for the future of Afghanistan... I see a house here, a house there, a small building here and small building there, but there are signs hanging in the middle of the street.

Osama asks:

- And what do they say?

George answers:

- Hell, I don't know. I can't read Hebrew!

What instrument do piggys play in a band?
→ Pigcussion!

A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the child asked for cookies and her mother told her "no." The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly:

- Now Ellen, we just have half of the aisles left to go through; don't be upset. It won't be long.

He passed the mother again in the candy aisle. Of course, the little girl began to shout for candy. When she was told she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The mother said:

- There, there, Ellen, don't cry. Only two more aisles to go, and then we'll be checking out.

The man again happened to be behind the pair at the check-out, where the little girl immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there would be no gum purchased today.

The mother patiently said:

- Ellen, we'll be through this check out stand in five minutes, and then you can go home and have a nice nap.

The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her:

- I couldn't help noticing how patient you were with little Ellen...

The mother broke in:

- My little girl's name is Tammy... I'm Ellen.

What letters are not in the alphabet?
→ The ones in the mail, of course!

What do you call a high-priced barber shop?
→ A clip joint.

What's hairy and flies through the air?
→ Jonathan Livingstone Gorilla!