Most viewed jokes

What do you get if you cross a dog with a kangaroo?
→ A dog that has somewhere to put its own lead!

A driver pulled up beside a rundown farmhouse. He got out and knocked at the door. A very old woman answered the door, and he asked her for directions to Des Moines.

- Don't know - the woman said.

He got back in his car and pulled away. Then he heard voices.

He looked in his rearview mirror and saw the woman and an equally old man waving for him to come back.

So he made a U-turn and drove up to them.

- This is my husband - the old woman said.

- He doesn't know how to get to Des Moines either.

In a very small alley two trucks driving in opposite directions meet.

As the drivers are equally stubborn, neither of them wants to reverse.

They angrily look one at the other.

Finally, one of them picks up a newspaper and starts reading.

The other one politely asks:

- When you've finished the paper, will you please bring it over, and let me read it?

- This birthday cake certainly is crunchy.

- Maybe you should spit out the plate!

What happens when geese land in a volcano?
→ They cook their own gooses!

Why is a sofa like a roast chicken?
→ Because they're both full of stuffing!

There were these two Engineers who decided they would go moose hunting in the backwoods of British Columbia. As it happened, they lucked out and got a moose. Unfortunately, they were about a mile from their truck. They were having a tough time dragging the animal by the hind legs when a Wildlife Biologist happened upon them.

He said:

- You know, the hair follicles on a moose have a grain to them that causes the hair to lie toward the back.

- The way you are dragging that moose, it increases your coefficient of friction by a huge margin. If you grab it by the antlers and pull, you will find the work required to be quite minimal.

The Engineers thanked him and started dragging the moose by the antlers. After about an hour, one Engineer said:

- I can't believe how easy it is to move this moose this way. I sure am glad we ran across that Biologist.

- Yeah. - said the other.

- But we're getting further and further away from our truck.

Where do Martians drink beer?
→ At a mars bar!

A man comes in to the room and says to his wife:

- I'm going to the pub. Get your coat on.

The wife, overjoyed that he has included her in his activity replies:

- Does that mean that you are taking me with you, darling?

The husband replies:

- No - I'm turning the heating off.

What is a baby bee?
→ A little humbug.