Most commented jokes

One day at kindergarten a teacher said to the class of 5-year olds:

- I'll give $2 to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived.

An Irish boy put his hand up and said:

- It was St. Patrick.

The teacher said:

- Sorry Sean, that's not correct.

Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said:

- It was St. Andrew.

The teacher replied:

- I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either.

Finally, a Jewish boy raised his hand and said:

- It was Jesus Christ.

The teacher said:

- That's absolutely right, Marvin, come up here and I'll give you the $2.

As the teacher was giving Marvin his money, she said:

- You know Marvin, since you're Jewish, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ.

Marvin replied:

- Yeah. In my heart I knew it was Moses, but business is business!

An old couple were sitting in their living room on a Sunday morning watching a religious program.

The preacher on this show would go to all the people in the audience and asking them what they wanted fixed, then he would have them cover the part of their body they wanted fixed.

Many of the people were elderly so they were covering their eyes and hearts. Then the preacher said:

- Ok now for you at home put your hand on the part of your body you want fixed and say this prayer with me.

So the little old lady put her hand on her heart, because she had a very bad heart. And the little old man put his hands on his crotch.

The little old lady turned to her husband and said:

- He said he could heal the sick, not raise the dead!

The Top 5 Men in a Woman's life are:

1. Doctor.
2. Dentist
3. Coal man.
4. Decorator.
5. Bank manager.

A Doctor says to take off your clothes.

A Dentist says open wide.

A Coal man asks:

- where do you want it, front or back?

A Decorator says:

- how do you like it now that it's up?

A Bank manager says:

- don't take it out you'll lose interest!

With the hunchback still dead, and his no-armed replacement still dead, the church leader still needs a bell ringer. He posts a sign outside the church and another no-armed man shows up to take the job.

The frustrated church leader says:

- The last no-armed guy died trying to ring this bell, what makes you think you can do it?

The no-armed man says:

- I've been without my arms since birth and therefore have much more experience. Besides, I desperately need the job to feed my family.

The church leader, feeling sorry for the man, says:

- OK give it a try.

And, as expected, the no-armed man tries to pull the rope with his teeth, stumbles and falls to his death.

The church leader rushes down to the sidewalk just as a policeman arrives. The policeman says:

- OK, this is two deaths in two days. Does anybody know who this guy is?

The church leader says:

- I'm sorry, I didn't ask, but he's a dead ringer for the guy who was in here yesterday!

Joe was not a very romantic person, and furthermore he was rather stupid. But he wanted to impress his wife, so he took her out for an anniversary dinner and watched the couples around them, following their leads.

He observed the couple next to him. The man lifted a sugar shaker towards his wife's cup and said:

- Sugar, sugar?

Joe thought this was great and continued to listen around the dining room.

Another table over Joe observed the following. A man spooned out some honey out of a bowl for his wife and asked:

- Honey, honey?

Again Joe thought this was good stuff.

Finally, he cut off a piece of his meat, stared longingly into his young wife's eyes and said:

- Ham, pig?

A Scotsman, American, and an Irishman are in a bar.

They are having a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice place.

Then the Scotsman says:

- Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Glasgow, there's a better one. At MacDougal's, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!

The others agree that sounds like a good place.

Then the American says:

- Yeah, that's a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one. Over in Brooklyn, there's this place, Vinny's. At Vinny's, you buy a drink, Vinny buys you a drink. You buy another drink, Vinny buys you another drink.

Everyone agrees that sounds like a great bar.

Then the Irishman says:

- You think that's great? Where I come from in Dublin, there's this place called Murphy's. At Murphy's, they buy you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your third drink, and then, they take you in the back and get you laid!

- Wow! - say the other two.

- That's fantastic! Did that actually happen to you?

- No, but it happened to me sister! - replies the Irish guy.

There was a cargo shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa.

It suddenly had a malfunction, and crashed in the jungle.

A few days later, Pepsi sent a rescue plane to search for the plane and crew.

They found the wreckage, but were not able to locate the crew.

They searched the area and met with a tribe of cannibals.

They walked up to the Chief of the tribe and asked him if he knew anything about the crash.

The Chief nods and simply says:

- Yes...seen plane crash

When asked where the crew was, the Cheif replyed:

- We ate the crew, and we drank the Pepsi!

The Rescue crew was shocked. Another man asked:

- Did you eat their legs?

The chief replied:

- We ate their legs, and we drank the Pepsi!

Another rescuer asked:

- Did you eat their arms?

The Chief said:

- We ate their arms, and we drank the Peps!

Finally, another rescuer had to ask:

- Did you..you know...eat their...things?

The cheif says:

- NO, you idoit!... even cannibals know that...

"THINGS go better with Coke!"

Pfizer Corp (NYSE PFE) is making the announcement today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola Bottling Group (NYSE PBG) as a power beverage, suitable for use as-is, or a mixer, under the name "Mount and Do."

Pepsi's proposed ad campaign suggests:

- It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

A blonde came home from her first day commuting into the city. Her mother noticed she was looking a little peaked and asked:

- Honey, are you feeling all right?

- Not really - the blonde replied.

- I'm nauseous from sitting backward on the train.

- Poor dear - Mom said.

- Why didn't you ask the person sitting across from you to switch seats for a while?

- I couldn't - she replied.

- there was no one there.

A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 AM.

Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed. She sleepily sat up and said:

- Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache.

He said:

- Certainly, honey - and feeling his way across the room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.

As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise:

- Say - said the druggist.

- aren't you Officer Fenwick of the 8th District?

- Yes, I am - said the officer.

- Well, then, what in the world are you doing in the Fire Chief's uniform?