Women Jokes — best jokes

Why did the women cross the road?
→ Well thats not the point what is she doing out of the kitchen?!!!

Why are women such bad drivers?
→ Because there is no road between the bedroom and the bathroom.

10. Cats' facial expressions.
11. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
12. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
13. "Fat" clothes.
14. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
15. The difference between beige, off-white and eggshell.
16. Cutting your bangs to make them grow.
17. Eyelash curlers.
18. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
19. Other women.

Maria is a devout Catholic. She gets married and has 17 children. Then her husband dies. She remarries two weeks later, and has 22 children by her next husband. Then he dies. A while later, she dies. At the funeral, the priest looks skyward and says, "At last they're finally together." A guy sitting in the front row says, "Excuse me Father, but do you mean her and her first husband, or her and her second husband?" "I mean her legs!"

The doctor because he says "Take your clothes off."

The dentist because he says "Open wide."

The hair dresser because he says "Do you want them teased or blown?"

The milkman because he says "Do you want it in the back or in the front?"

The interior decorator because he says "Once it's in you'll love it."

The banker because he says "If you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest."

One Day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt. When the bus arrived, and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight that she couldn't get her foot high enough to reach the step. Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reaches back and unzipps her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reaches back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn't reach the step. So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reaches back and unzips her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifts up her leg only to realize that she still couldn't reach the step. So, seeing how embarrased the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turns around furiously and says, "How dare you touch my body that way, I don't even know you!" Shocked, the man says, "Well, ma'am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends."

A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her doctor recommended that she see the well known Chinese sex therapist, Dr. Chang. So she went to see him.

Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, "OK, take off all your crose."

The woman did as she was told.

"Now, get down and craw reery, reery fass to odderside of room." Again, the woman did as she was instructed.

Dr. Chang then said, "OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me." So she did..

Dr. Chang shook his head slowly and said, "Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates."

Worried, the woman asked anxiously, "Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary Disease?"

Dr. Chang sighed deeply, and replied, "Ed Zachary Disease is when your face look ed zachary like your ass."

3 women went out drinking, and decided to have a contest of who could get the drunkest. The next day the women all got together. The first woman said, "I drove my car into a ditch."

The second woman said, "I blew chunks."

The third woman said, "I burned down my house." After they all had told their stories, the third woman said, "I guess I won," and the second woman said, "You don't understand, Chunks is my dog."

Why do you call a womens monthly pain a period?
→ Because Mad Cow Disease was taken.

What do you do if your dishwasher breaks down?
→ Kick her in the butt!