Stats/Math Jokes — best jokes

- Teacher: Are you good at math?

- Pupil: Yes and no

- Teacher: What do you mean?

- Pupil: Yes, I'm no good at math!

- I failed every subject except for algebra.

- How did you keep from failing that?

- I didn't take algebra!

What kind of food do maths teachers eat?
→ Square meals!

- Teacher: How much is half of 8?

- Pupil: Up and down or across?

- Teacher: What do you mean?

- Pupil: Well, up and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0!

Why are rabbits like calculators?
→ They both multiply a lot.

What can a monster do that you can't do?
→ Count up to 25 on his fingers.

How do man-eating monsters count to a thousand?
→ On their warts.

If you had a million dollars and gave away one quarter, and another quarter, and then another quarter, how much would you have left?
→ A million dollars minus 75 cents.

If you take half from a half dollar, what do you have?
→ A dollar.

Three patients at a psychiatric clinic are up for release. The shrink informs them that they will have to pass a simple test. Asking the first patient:

- How much is two plus two?

- Blue.

At which the kind doctor calls in the orderly to escort the patient back to his room.

Turning to the second patient, he asks what is six minus three? To which the patient replies: Square. Once again the orderly is called in to remove the patient. Turning to the third and last patient, he asks, "How much is five plus five?" The patient answers very confidentally: "Ten." The doctor, amazed then inquires how did you figure it out? The patient: "Easy. Blue multiplied by square equals ten."