Stats/Math Jokes — best jokes

What did the metric alien say?
→ Take me to your litre!

Why did some snakes disobey Noah when he said:

- Go forth and multiply?

→ They couldn't, they were adders!

What snakes are good at sums?
→ Adders!

What did one math book say to the other?
→ Man I got a lot of problems!

- Teacher: Does anyone know which month has 28 days?

- Pupil: All of them!

- Teacher: Can anyone tell me how many seconds there are in a year?

- Pupil: 12 - 2nd January, 2nd February...!

- Teacher: If you have five haystacks in one corner, five in another and two in another, how many would you have?

- Pupil: One big haystack!

- Teacher: If you had five apples on your desk and the boy next to you took three what would you have?

- Pupil: A fight!

The teacher was giving her pupils a quiz on counting. Jackie got things started by counting from 1 to 10.

- Now, Fred - said the teacher - you take over, beginning with 11.

- 11, 14, 23, 42, 26 - said Fred.

- What kind of counting is that? - asked the teacher

- Who's counting? - replied Fred.

- I'm calling signals.

- If I had five coconuts and I gave you three, how many would I have left?

- I don't know.

- Why not?

- In our school we do all our arithmetic in apples and oranges.