Stats/Math Jokes — best jokes

What did the metric alien say?
→ Take me to your litre!

Why did some snakes disobey Noah when he said "Go forth and multiply"?
→ They couldn't, they were adders!

What snakes are good at sums?
→ Adders!

What did one math book say to the other?
→ Man I got a lot of problems!

- Teacher: Does anyone know which month has 28 days?

- Pupil: All of them!

- Teacher: Can anyone tell me how many seconds there are in a year?

- Pupil: 12 - 2nd January, 2nd February...!

- Teacher: If you have five haystacks in one corner, five in another and two in another, how many would you have?

- Pupil: One big haystack!

- Teacher: If you had five apples on your desk and the boy next to you took three what would you have?

- Pupil: A fight!

The teacher was giving her pupils a quiz on counting. Jackie got things started by counting from 1 to 10. "Now, Fred," said the teacher, "you take over, beginning with 11."
"11, 14, 23, 42, 26," said Fred.
"What kind of counting is that?" asked the teacher
"Who's counting?" replied Fred. "I'm calling signals."

- If I had five coconuts and I gave you three, how many would I have left?

- I don't know.

- Why not?

- In our school we do all our arithmetic in apples and oranges.