Situations — best jokes

What is the difference between a blind man and a sailor in prison?
→ One can't see to go, the other can't go to sea.

How did a blind man drive his car?
→ One hand on the wheel; the other on the road.

The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep.

'Excuse me for disturbing you, ma'am,' he said politely, 'but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and I've noticed that every day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of bread!'

'That's right.'

'Every day you wallop him on the head with a loaf of bread, and yet this morning you were hitting him with a chocolate cake....?'

'Well, today is his birthday!'

- Were any famous men born on your birthday?

- No, only little babies.

- I'm giving a 'surprised' birthday party for you.

- A 'surprised' birthday party? What's that?

- That's where I invite a bunch of your friends, and if any of them come, I'll be surprised!

- I guess I didn't get my birthday wish.

- How do you know?

- You're still here!

"I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'"

- Will you come to my party on Saturday?

- Yes, please. What's the address?

- 25 The High Street. Just push the bell with your elbow.

- Why with my elbow?

- Well, you won't be empty-handed, will you!

- I forgot my brother's birthday last month.

- What did he say?

- Nothing, yet.

Sam's girlfriend's birthday was the same day as his father's. He bought his girlfriend a bottle of perfume and his father a pistol.

He wrapped the perfume and wrote a note to his girlfriend, saying, 'Use this all over yourself and think of me.'

Unfortunately he put the note on his father's present.