Situations — best jokes

After the college boy delivered the pizza to Bud's trailer house, Bud asked, "What is the usual tip?"

"Well," replied the youth, "this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing great."

"Is that so?" snorted Bud. "Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here's five dollars."

"Thanks," replied the youth, "I'll put this in my school fund."

"What are you studying?" asked Bud.

The lad smiled and said, "Applied psychology."

Two college students, Frank and Matt, are riding on a New York City subway when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change.

Frank adamantly rejects the man in disgust.

Matt, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a couples of singles and gladly hands them over to the beggar with a smile.

The beggar thanks him kindly and then continues on to the other passengers.

Frank is outraged by his friend's act of generosity.

"What on earth did you do that for?" shouts Frank. "You know he's only going to use it on drugs or booze."

Matt replies, "And we weren't?"

Did you hear about the two little boys who found themselves in a modern art gallery by mistake?
→ 'Quick,' said one, 'run! Before they say we did it!'

A man is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the man moves closer to the boy's position.

He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder, leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring.

Crouching down to the childs level, the man smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?"

The boy replies, "Now we run!"

- Brother: Did you put the cat out?

- Sister: Why, is it on fire?

Hawk and Tom were talking in the bar.

Hawk said, "I just got kicked off the course for breaking 60."

Tom looked at him, amazed. "Breaking 60? That's amazing!"

Hawk smiled and said, "Yeah, I never knew a golf cart could go that fast!"

Auntie Gladys bought herself a new rear-engine continental car. She took an old friend for a spin, but after only half a mile, the car broke down. Both women got out and opened up the front of the car. 'Oh, Gladys,' said her friend, 'you've lost your engine!'

'Never mind dear,' said auntie. 'I've got a spare one in the trunk.'

Did you hear about the girl who was so keen on road safety that she always wore white at night?
→ Last Winter she was knocked down by a snow plough

Personally, I like to stay and read the credits. When the last scene of Titanic faded to black and people began rushing for the exits, I shouted: "Quick! There are only enough cars in the parking lot for half of us!"

A man was fed up of having his car broken into and having his radio stolen he decided he would remove it when he parked his car he also left a note saying there is no point in breaking in my car as there is nothing to steal. When he returned to his car it had been broken into again and there was a new note where his had left his, saying just checking.!