Situations — best jokes

How did your mom know you hadn't washed your face?
→ I forgot to wet the soap.

- First Witch: I like your toad. He always has such a nice expression on his face.

- Second Witch: It's because he's a hoptimist.

- You can read his mind in his face.

- Yes, it's usually a complete blank.

- Fred: Do you like my new hairstyle?

- Harry: In as much as it covers most of your face, yes.

- Fred: Your sister uses too much make-up.

- Harry: Do you think so?

- Fred: Yes. It's so thick that if you tell her a joke, five minutes after she's stopped laughing her face is still smiling!

Did you hear about the witch who was so ugly that when a tear rolls down her cheek it takes one look at her face and rolls straight up again?

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.

Tarzan was tired when he came home.
"What have you been doing?" asked Jane.
"Chasing a herd of elephants on vines."
"Really?" said Jane. "I thought elephants stayed on the ground!"

I just sent my first e-mail.
→ Kongratulations!

A man and his son were shovelling the driveway after a heavy snowfall when their dog, Lady, wandered away from them. Man, fearing the dog might be hit by car, shouted angrily: "Lady! Lady! Get over here right now!" The dog charged happily back over to them, accompanied by a commuter who had been standing at the bus stop. "Yes, sir, what can I do for you?" she asked.