Sex Jokes — best jokes

HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN
Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, empathize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, humor, stimulate, stroke, console, hug, coddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, correspond, anticipate, nuzzle, smooch, entertain, sacrifice for, charm, fascinate, attend, trust, grovel, defend, coax, brag about, understand, clothe, respect, entertain, kill for, commit, snuggle, wow, dazzle, amaze, flabbergast, enchant, idolize, worship, and then go back, Jack, and do it again.

HOW TO SATISFY A MAN
Show up naked ..... and bring beer.

Finally, a definition of Marketing that makes sense....

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm fantastic in bed." That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's fantastic in bed." That's Advertising.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Telemarketing.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed." That's Brand Recognition.

An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man who has never been with a woman sexually. After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal ad. She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entire life in the Australian Outback, and after a long-distance courtship, they decide to get married.

On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom to prepare for the festivities. When she returns to the bedroom, she finds her new husband standing in the middle of the room, naked and all the furniture from the room piled in one corner.

"What happened?" she asks.

"I've never been with a woman," he says. "But if it's anything like screwing a kangaroo I'm gonna need all the room I can get!"

TOP 10 REASONS BASKETBALL IS BETTER THAN SEX...

10. BALL MOVEMENT IS KEY
11. YOU CAN SET IT UP OR GO FOR THE FASTBREAK
12. IF YOU NEED A BREAK, YOU CAN CALL A 20 SECOND TIMEOUT
13. THERE IS A COACH TELLING YOU WHEN TO "TAKE IT TO THE HOLE"
14. BEING DOUBLE-TEAMED IS COMMON
15. YOU CAN PASS IT OFF, SO YOUR BUDDY CAN SCORE
16. IF SCOUTS LIKE YOUR PERFORMANCE, YOU TURN PRO
17. YOU KNOW YOU ARE DONE WHEN THE HORN SOUNDS
18. YOU ALWAYS TRY TO SCORE WITHIN 24 SECONDS
19. THERE'S ALWAYS SOMEONE WITH A TOWEL TO CLEAN UP ANY WET SPOTS

What does ADIDAS stand for?
→ All Day I Dream About Sex.

A middle-aged guy and his date are making out hot and heavy in the movies when his toupee slides off. As he's groping around for it, his hand goes between her legs, up under her skirt, and lands on her twat.

She says, "That's it! That's it!"

He says, "It can't be. I part mine on the side."

What's the difference between white onions, brown onions and a 14 inch dick?
→ Nothing. They all make woman's eyes water.

Do you know the difference in sugar and Sweet-n-Low????
→ Sugar is when you kiss her on the lips!

What's the difference between "ooh" and "aah?"
→ About three inches.

It has been studied and determined that the most often used Sexual position for married couples is the doggie position.

The husband sits up and begs...

And the wife rolls over and plays dead.