Sex Jokes — best jokes

What is the difference between a drug pusher and a prostitute?
→ A prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.

What did the egg say to the boiling water?
→ "How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."

Why is air a lot like sex?
→ Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

What's worse than having your doctor tell you that you have VD?
→ Having your dentist tell you.

The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, so too the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are there any questions?

At this, a male student in the crowd inquires, "Er... How much for a season pass?"

A little girl was playing in the garden when she spied two spiders mating.

"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.

"They're mating," her father replied.

"What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked.

"That's a daddy long legs," her father answered.

"So, the other one is a mommy long legs?" the little girl asked.

"No," her father replied. "Both of them are daddy long legs."

The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat.

"Well, we're not having any of THAT in our garden."

What do Blondes say after sex?
→ Thanks guys.
→ Are you boys all in the same band?
→ Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?

WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of pregnancy in the world. Proceed with caution.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).

A young lady was conducting a study in to human sexual behavior. She came to the conclusion that the best place to find participants for the survey would be the airport.
After three hours of questioning passengers, she sees a pilot walking to his gate. Having heard of the reputation of pilots she stops him "Excuse me, Captain" she says, "I am doing a survey on human sexuality... I was wondering if you could answer a few questions..."

The pilot agrees, and the young lady starts questioning him.
After three questions, she asks him "...and when was the last time you had sex?".
Straight away the Captain replies "1959". The girl was shocked. She looks at the captain and asks "1959 isn't that a long time ago?". "Oh" the pilot replies "I guess so...but it's only 2015 now..."