Random joke from this category
One of Sigmund Freud's early patients rushed out into an Austrian afternoon on her way to meet her best friend at a coffee house. Over Cappuccino and Viennese pastries, she suddenly burst out crying.
Her friend begged her to share what was wrong.
"Oh, it's just terrible," she wailed. "Today the doctor told me I'm in love with my father, and. . .and. . .and you know, he's a married man!"
After a wonderful night of love making, the young guy rolled over and was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man on a desk in the distance. Naturally, the guy began to worry.
- Is that your husband? he inquired nervously.
- No, silly, she replied, snuggling up to him.
- Your boyfriend then? he asked.
- No, not at all, she said, nibbling away at his ear.
- Well, who is he then? demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, she answered, "That's me before the surgery."
A guy meets a girl out at a nightclub and she invites him back to her place for the night. Her parents are out of town and this is the perfect opportunity. They get back to her house and they go into her bedroom. When the guy walks in the door, he notices all these fluffy toys. There's hundreds of them, fluffy toys on top of the wardrobe, fluffy toys on the bookshelf and window sill, there's more on the floor, and of course fluffy toys all over the bed. Later after they've had sex, he turns to her and asks "So, how was I?" She says "Well ... you can take anything from the bottom shelf."
How do you know when your girlfriend is too fat?
→ When she sits on your face and you can't hear the stereo
- Boy: Those clothes are very becoming on you!
- Girl: Why thank you!
- Boy: Of course, if I was on you...
I would becoming too!
- Woman: Slow down, foreplay is an art.
- Man: Well, if you don't get your canvas arranged soon, I'm going to spill my paint!
- Boyfriend: Do you smoke after sex?
- Girlfriend: Dunno, I've never looked
What's the difference between Love, True Love and showing off?
→ Spit, swallow and gargle.
A young man took a girl out to dinner and a show. They got along very well, and when he asked her if she would like to come up to his apartment for a drink she agreed. After they were at the apartment a while, he asked if he could give her an old fashioned kiss.
Her reply was, "At a time like this you want me to change positions?"
"Kiss me," said the young lady urgently. "Please kiss me."
But the young man turned his head away, saying, "Of course not. How can I? I'm your own brother-in-law. Hell, we shouldn't even be lying here making love."
