Mom/Dad Jokes — best jokes

- Mother: What was the first thing you learned in class?

- Daughter: How to talk without moving my lips!

- Pupil: My teacher was mad with me because I didn't know where the Rockies were.

- Mother: Well next time remember where you put things!

- Teacher: When was Rome built?

- Pupil: At night.

- Teacher: Why did you say that?

- Pupil: Because my Dad always says that Rome wasn't built in a day!

- Father: I hear you skipped school to play football

- Son: No I didn't, and I have the fish to prove it!

- Pupil (on phone): My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today.

- School Secretary: Who is this?

- Pupil: This is my father speaking!

- Son: I can't go to school today.

- Father: Why not?

- Son: I don't feel well

- Teacher: Where don't you feel well?

- Son: In school!

- Father: How do you like going to school?

- Son: The going bit is fine, as is the coming home bit too, but I'm not too keen on the time in-between!

What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
→ Your mother ate us out of house and home.

Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"

The policeman said, "What's he like?"

Little Johnny replied, "Beer and women!"

The politician was sitting at his campaign headquarters when the phone rang. He listened intently, and after a moment his face brightened. When he hung up, he immediately phoned his mother to tell her the good news. "Ma," he shouted, "the results are in. I won the election!"

"Honestly?"

The politician's smiled faded. "Aw hell, ma, why bring that up at a time like this?"