Mom/Dad Jokes — best jokes

- You've failed history again!

- Well you always told me to let bygones be bygones!

A woman was cutting her husband's thinning hair, when their teenage son arrived home looking for a snack.

She offered a kiwifruit and tried to tempt him with its nutritious qualities. "It has more vitamin C than an orange," she remarked.

"And more hair than Dad," added their son.

- Karen: Have you noticed that Daddy is getting taller?

- Sharon: No, why?

- Karen: His head is sticking through his hair.

Janet came home from school and asked her mother if the aerosol spray in the kitchen was hair lacquer.

"No," said Mom. "It's glue."
"I thought so," said Janet.
"I wondered why I couldn't get my hat off today."

What's your dad getting for Christmas?
→ Bald and fat.

What did the little ghost give his mom for Mother's Day?
→ A booquet of flowers.

What did the mother ghost tell the kid ghost when he went out to play?
→ "Don't get your sheets dirty!"

What did the mother ghost say to the naughty baby ghost?
→ Spook when you're spooken to.

- Jimmy, how many more times must I tell you to come away from that cookie tin?

- No more, mom. It's empty.

- Boy: What's black, slimy, with hairy legs and eyes on stalks?

- Mom: Eat the cookies and don't worry about what's in the tin.