Mom/Dad Jokes — best jokes

Did you hear about the dumb father who returned from lunch and saw a sign on his door, "Back in 30 minutes," so he sat down to wait for himself?

Did you hear about the dumb father who got up and struck a match to see if he had blown out the candle?

- Teacher: That's the stupidest boy in the whole school.

- Mother: That's my son.

- Teacher: Oh! I'm so sorry.

- Mother: You're sorry?

John was hard at work with the broom in his family's tent.
His mother came in and said, 'That's nice. Are you sweeping out the tent?'
'No,' John answered. 'I'm sweeping out the dirt.'

- Sammy: My parents are sending me to camp.

- Tammy: Why? Do you need a vacation?

- Sammy: No. They do!

At the end of camp, Julie won the prize for neatest trunk. Her mother was amazed.
'How did your trunk get so neat?' she asked her messy daughter.
'It was easy,' said Julie.
'I just never unpacked!'

- Dad, did you manage to fix my toy?

- No, it's not broken, the battery's flat.

- Well, what shape should it be?

- Mother: Fred, why did you put a slug in your grandma's bed?

- Fred: Because I couldn't find a snake.

The young wife was in tears when she opened the door for her husband. "I've been insulted," she sobbed. "Your mother insulted me."
"My mother!" he exclaimed. "But she is a hundred miles away."
"I know, but a letter came for you this morning and I opened it."
He looked stern, "I see, but where does the insult come in?"
"In the postscript," she answered. "It said: 'Dear Alice, don't forget to give this letter to George.'"

A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry."
The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while.
He then says, "Okay, Ma. Guess which one I'm going to marry."
She immediately replies, "The red-head in the middle."
"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"
"I don't like her."