Military Jokes — best jokes

While practicing autorotations during a military night training exercise a Huey Cobra screwed up the landing and landed on the tail rotor. The landing was so hard that it broke off the tail boom. However, the chopper fortunately remained upright on its skids, sliding down the runway doing 360s.

As the Cobra slid past the tower, trailing a brilliant shower of sparks, this was the radio exchange that took place...

- Tower: Sir, do you need any assistance?

- Cobra: I don't know Tower, we ain't done crashin' yet.

Following some duty overseas, the officers at the Fort were planning a welcome home party and dance for the unit. Being an all male combat force, they decided to request coeds from some of the surrounding colleges to attend. The Captain called Vassar and was assured by the Dean that arrangements could be made to send over a dozen of their most trustworthy students.

The Captain hesitated, then said, "Would it also be possible to send a dozen or so of the other kind?"

During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general.

"You simpleton!" the officer barked. "Don't you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?"

"Yes sir," the solder answered apologetically. "But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice. And I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches. But When two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the bigger say, "Let's eat one now and save the other until winter' --- that did it."

- Who likes music? - asks a commander.

- Two soldiers step forward.

- All right. I bought a piano. Take it to my apartment on the fourth floor.

Recruits were shocked at the language the sergeant used in their unit. During a smoke break one young soldier asked:

"Sergeant, where did you le-arn your language?"

"Learnit, hell, it's a gift," proudly informed the NCO.

Two paratrooper recruits in a plane:

- Are you crazy, Vasily? You are going to jump without a parachute.

- Is it mandatory to wear it?

- Sure. It's raining outside.

How is Saddam like Fred Flintstone?
→ Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.

What's the difference between Aeroflot and the Scud Missile?
→ Aeroflot has killed more people.

What is Iraq's national bird?
→ Duck

Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots?
→ You only have to teach them to take off.