Military Jokes — best jokes

A new lieutenent in the French Foreign Legion arrives at an isolated base in Algeria. As a corporal shows him quarters, he asks the corporal, "The base is rather isolated, what do the men do for female companionship?"

The corporal replies, "On Fridays, they let us use the camels."

The lieutentent is disgusted, but says nothing. After a few weeks, however, the new officer is very lonely. He decides that if everyone else is doing it, why shouldn't he.

The next friday, the young lieutentent slinks over to the camel pens and, after looking around, drops his pants and starts humping a female camel. The camel is not amused and makes a huge uproar.

The same corporal comes in to investigate. "Lieutenent! What are you doing."

"Come on man," replied the embarrased officer, "You yourself told me we could use the camels on Fridays."

"Yes sir," replied the corporal. "But most of us just ride them into town."

A woman reporter is driving a jeep in the desert. She sees a Captain in the French Foreign Legion pulling and tugging on a camel, but the camel won't budge.

The woman stops and says, "Captain! Do you need some help with the camel?"

The legionarie tells her the camel won't budge but she's welcome to try. The reporter gets out of the jeep, takes two bricks from the back and POW... smashes the camel's testicles with the bricks. The camel makes a terrible noise and runs off into the desert.

The captain drops his pants and says, "Great! Do me next, I've got to catch that son of a bitch!"

What goes cackle, cackle, boom?
→ A witch in a minefield.

How are tigers like sergeants in the army?
→ They both wear stripes!

- 1st Roman Soldier: What is the time?

- 2nd Roman Soldier: XX past VII!

Why did the python do national service?
→ He was coiled up!

Johnny was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School.

"Well, mum, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt.

"When he got to the Red Sea he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and saved the Israelites."

"Now, Johnny, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked.

"Well, no, mom, but if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it."

What did the bunny want to do when he grew up?
→ Join the Hare Force.

Why did the pig join the Army?
→ He heard the food was a mess.

Why did the little pig try to join the Navy?
→ He loved to sing, "Oinkers Aweight"