Men Jokes — best jokes

Why do men name their penises?
→ Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the person who makes all their decisions.

Why is the book "Women Who Love Too Much" a disappointment for many men?
→ No phone numbers.

Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on the lonesome prairie, each with the bravado for which cowboys are famous. A night of tall tales begins.

The first says, "I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground, by the horns, with my bare hands."

The second can't stand to be bested. "Why that's nothing. I was walking down the trail yesterday and a fifteen foot rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that snake with my bare hands, bit its head off, and sucked the venom down in one gulp. And I'm still here today."

The third cowboy remained silent, slowly stirring the coals with his penis.

How can you tell if a man is sexually exited?
→ He's Breathing.

Why do men die before their wives?
→ Because they want to.

How does a man show he's planning for the future?
→ He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

If fathers have Father's Day, and mothers have Mother's Day, what do single guys have?
→ Palm Sunday.

Did you know that a man is made up of many useless things?

• He has an Adam's apple that isn't an apple
• Two calves that will never become cows
• A nose bridge that doesn't lead anywhere
• A roof of the mouth that won't cover anything
• Twenty nails that won't hold a board
• A chest that won't hold linen
• Two boobs that won't give milk
• Two buns that won't feed anyone
• A belly button that won't button
• Two balls that won't roll
• An ass that won't pull a plow
• An organ that won't play music
• A cock that won't crow

Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for men?
→ It changes their blood type.

What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
→ 1. No mind 2. No business.