Random joke from this category
A guy goes to the doctor with a mysterious pain and tells the doctor, "Doctor, my penis has been burning lately."
And the doctor said reassuringly, "Don't worry son, that just means someone is talking about it."
A fellow went to the doctor one day and said, "Doc, I have a problem. My penis is red."
Doctor replied, "Drop your pants, let me take a look. Ummm...yes, no problem, we can have you fixed up in no time, $40."
The fellow was impressed. Told his friend of the experience and that he hadn't been to a doctor for only $40 for quite a spell.
His friend said, "Really? I have a similar problem. What doctor did you go to?"
So his friend goes to the same doctor and tells him, "Doc, George recommended you...you've got to help me. My penis is blue."
Doc asks to take a look. "Ah yes... Ummm... Yep, we can take care of it, no problem, $400."
"FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS? Wait a MINUTE! You took care of George for only $40."
"Yes, I did. But George's penis had lipstick on it. Yours has gangrene!"
How many men does it take to open a beer?
→ None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
→ Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
→ So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
→ When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
How do you fix a woman's watch?
→ You don't. There's a clock on the oven.
Why do men pass gas more than women?
→ Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
→ The dog of course. At least he'll shut up after you let him in.
All wives are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart.
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
→ A woman that won't do what she's told!
A man is having problems with his dick which certainly had seen better times...
He consults a doctor which, after a couple of tests, says, "Sorry, but you've overdone it the last 30 years, your dick is burned out; you won't be able to make love more than 30 times!"
The man walks home (deeply depressed); his wife is already expecting him at the front door and asks him what the doctor said. He tells her what the doc told him.
She says: "Oh my god, only 30 times! We should not waste that; we should make a list!"
He replies, "Yes, I already made a list on the way home; sorry but your name is not on it!"
How do you tell the difference between male chromosomes and female chromosomes?
→ Pull down their genes!
I was twelve before I realized I could cough without having a doctor hold my balls!
I recently attended a meeting of the International Singles Club here in Silicon Valley. I met a Chinese woman who was a dentist.
She had perfect teeth, which started me thinking: All dentists from all cultures apparently have perfect teeth.
So, I am looking for a gynecologist for my next girlfriend!
Things Not To Say To Your Pregnant Wife After Her Ultrasound
Things Not To Do While You Are With Your Wife In Labor In The Delivery Room
This guy goes to the pharmacist and says, "Listen, these two girls are coming to my place for the weekend and they are hot, very hot. Would you have something to get me going all night. It is going to be a hell of a party."
The pharmacist goes in the back room, comes back with an old dusty bottle and says, "This stuff is very potent, you drink only one ounce of it and I guarantee that you will be doing the wild thing all night. Let me know about it."
The weekend goes by and on Monday morning, the pharmacist is going to work and at the door of the drug store, the same fellow is there waiting for him. The pharmacist says, "What are you doing here so early? How was your weekend?"
The guy replies, "Quick open the store, I need Blue Ice (a pain muscle reliever)."
The pharmacist, knowing what the guy had been doing all weekend, says, "Are you crazy, you can't put that on your penis. The skin is way too sensitive."
The guy says, "It's not for my penis, it's for my arm."
Pharmacist says, "What?? What happened?"
Guy replies, "Well... I drank the whole bottle of your potion."
Pharmacist says, "And..."
Guy replies, "The girls never showed up!"
