Lawyer Jokes — best jokes

What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion?
→ You cry when you cut up an onion.

In the construction field, it is often noted that lawyers make the worst clients. However, a couple of years ago I met an old carpenter that said lawyers were always his favorite clients!

When I asked him why he got so much pleasure out of having lawyers as clients he replied, "I only build coffins now."

If you laid all the lawyers in the world head to foot around the Equator, then...
Hey, come to think of it, that's not a bad idea.

If I had but one life to give for my country, it would be a lawyer's.

If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, how many orchards does it take for a lawyer?

If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus?
→ Never enough.

How many lawyers does it take to grease a combine?
→ Only one if you run him through slowly!

How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
→ Cut the rope.

Have you seen the current remake of the movie "Cape Fear"? It's about a deranged psychotic who is seeking revenge against a lawyer. The question is, while watching the movie, whom do you root for?