Random joke from this category
- Judge: Is there any reason you could not serve as a juror in this case?
- Juror: I don't want to be away from my job that long.
- Judge: Can't they do without you at work?
- Juror: Yes, but I don't want them to know it.
The crusty old managing partner finally passed away, but his law firm kept receiving calls asking to speak with him. "I'm sorry, he's dead," was the standard answer. Finally, the receptionist who fielded the calls began to realize it was always the same voice, so she asked who it was and why he kept calling. The reply: "I used to be one of his junior associates, and I just like to hear you say it."
So my sister, a natural blond graduating from the University of North Carolina Law School, is job hunting. I suggested that since Microsoft is building up their legal team, she should send them a resume and become a southern blond Microsoft lawyer -- and be the butt of any joke on the internet.
What is the difference between baseball and law?
→ In baseball, if you're caught stealing, you're out.
Lawyers do it with appeal.
Lawyers do it confidentially.
Lawyers do it on a trial basis.
Lawyers do it until justice prevails.
Lawyers do it as long as you can pay them.
Lawyers do it unless it is prohibited by law.
A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.
- How much does it cost for engineer brain?
- Three dollars an ounce.
- How much does it cost for programmer brain?
- Four dollars an ounce.
- How much for lawyer brain?
- $1,000 an ounce.
- Why is lawyer brain so much more?
- Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?
3 dudes die a lawyer, police man, and a doctor at the pearly gates. The police man walks up 2 saint peter and says "I have put criminals away and stopped many crimes like murder, can I get into heaven?"
- Saint Peter: um sorry we're sorta having a party so no
The doctor walks up 2 saint peter and says "I have saved many lives and helped people feel better, can I get into heaven?"
- Saint Peter: nope we're kinda busy right now
The lawyer walks up and says "I've sued many people, can I get into heaven?"
- Saint Peter: sure come on in! join the party!
The police man and the doctor walk up to saint peter and ask "why'd he get in and not us?"
- Saint Peter: we dont get many of his kind around here.
Four life-long friends, a doctor, lawyer, professor, and a businessman, belonging to the same exclusive club had made a pact. When one dies, they agreed, the others will lay $5,000 each on his coffin so he'll have some spending money in the after life. Well, one day the professor passes away. At his funeral the three friends took turns going up to the coffin and paying their respects. The doctor was first, laying 50 $100 bills inside the casket. Next was the businessman, tearfully placing his $5,000 cash next to his deceased friend. Then the lawyer approached the coffin ..... wrote out a check for $15,000 ... laid it in the casket, and picked up the 10 grand in cash.
It was so cold last week I saw a Lawyer with his hands in his own pockets!
What do you call a sky-diving club for lawyers?
→ Skeet.
