Funny Court Transcripts
30 things people actually said in court
What is your date of birth?
→ July 15th
What year?
→ Every year.
What gear were you in the moment of impact?
→ Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory?
→ Yes.
And in what ways does it affect your memory?
→ I forget.
You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you have forgotten?
How old is your son, the one living with you?
→ 38 or 35, I can't remember which.
How long has he lived with you?
→ 45 years
What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
→ He said "Where am I, Cathy?"
And why did that upset you?
→ My name is Susan.
And where was the location of the accident?
→ Approximatly milepost 499.
And where is milepost 499?
→ Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
Sir, What is your IQ?
→ Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
Did you blow your horn or anything?
→ After the accident?
Before the accident.
→ Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.
Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
→ We both do.
Voodoo?
→ We do.
You do?
→ Yes, Voodoo.
Trooper, when you stopped the defendent, were you red and blue lights flashing?
→ Yes
Did the defendent say anything when she got out of her car?
→ Yes sir
What did she say?
→ What disco am I at?
Now doctor, isnt it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesnt know about it until the next morning?
The youngest son, the 22 year old, how old is he?
Were you present when your picture was taken?
Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
Did he kill you?
How far apart were the vehicles at the time of collision?
You were there until the time you left, is that true?
How many times have you committed suicide?
So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
→ Yes.
What were you doing at the time?
She had three children right?
→ Yes.
How many were boys?
→ none.
Were there any girls?
You say the stairs went down to the basement?
→ yes
And these stairs, did they go up also?
Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather eleborate honeymoon, didnt you?
→ I went to Europe, Sir.
And you took your new wife?
How was your first marriage terminated?
→ By death.
And by whose death was it terminated?
Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
→ No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
Can you describe the individual?
→ He was about medium height and had a beard.
Was this a male or female?
Doctor how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
→ All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
All your responses must be oral, OK,? What school did you go to?
→ Oral
Do you recall the time you examined the body?
→ The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
→ No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
→ No.
Did you check for blood pressure?
→ No.
Did you check for breathing?
→ No.
So it was possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
→ No.
How can you be so sure, Doctor?
→ Because his brains was sitting on my desk in a jar.
But could the patien have still been alive nevertheless?
→ It is possible that he coulkd have been alive and practicing law somewhere.