Language Jokes — best jokes

"Please, ma'am! How do you spell ichael?"

The teacher was rather bewildered. "Don't you mean Michael?" she asked. "No, ma'am. I've written the 'M' already."

What do Snowmen call their offspring?
→ Chill-dren.

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"

The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!"

The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: "A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."

Did you hear about the pub owner who raised a baby rabbit?
→ It was an inn-grown hare!

A bumble bee was chasing a rabbit. Finally the bee turned around and flew away. Why?
→ The rabbit had two b's already.

Have you ever seen a duchess?
→ Yes - it's the same as an English "s"

Why is the letter "t" so important to a stick insect?
→ Without it would be a sick insect.

Which two letters are rotten for your teeth?
→ D K

- Fred: You've got a Roman nose.

- Harry: Like Julius Caesar?

- Fred: No, it's roamin' all over your face.

What is grey and hairy and lives on a man's face?
→ A mousetache.