Language Jokes — best jokes

A motorway walks into a pub one day. He goes up to the bar and orders himself a drink.
He just sits down when in walks a strip of tarmac.

The motorway sees the tarmac and starts to panic so he jumps over the bar and ducks down so it won't see him. The barman looks down at him and says, "What's the matter with you? Why are you hiding? You've got six lanes and two hard shoulders. Why are you frightened of a piece of tarmac?"

The motorway replies, "You don't know him like I do. He's a cyclepath."

A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.

The barman refuses to serve him. "Why not," asks the golf club.

"You'll be driving later," replies the bartender.

Three vampires walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The waitress comes over and asks the first vampire what he would like. The first vampire responds, "I vould like some blood."

The waitress turns to the second vampire and asks what he would like.
The vampire responds, "I vould like some blood."

The waitress turns to the third vampire and asks what he would like.
The vampire responds, "I vould like some plasma."

The waitress looks up and says, "Let me see if I have this order correct. You want two bloods and a blood light?"

A guy walks into a bar carrying a pair of jumper cables. He sets 'em down on the bar. And then the bartender said "Now dont you start anything!!"

Ever hear the expression "hard drinker"? Never made much sense to me, drinking's one of the easiest things in the world to do.

A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm and asks the barman "Can I have a drink for me and one for the road?"

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Baby!

- Baby who?

- Baby love, my baby love....!

What do you get if you cross a baby with soldiers?
→ Infantry!

What do you get if you cross a mountain and a baby?
→ A cry for Alp!

Dewey and Odell met on the Brownsville main street. "Say," said Dewey, "Ah hurd yew and yore wife is goin' ta night school ta take Spanish lessons. How cum?"
"Uh huh," answered Odell. "We went and adopted us a little Mexican baby, and we wanna be able ta understand him when he gets old enough ta talk!"