Language Jokes — best jokes

What language do they speak in Cuba?
→ Cubic!

Why is Russia a very fast country?
→ Because the people are always Russian!

Did you hear about the man who was Polishing the flagpole?
→ He varnished into thin air!

What is the difference between Russian Optimist, Pessimist and Realist?
An Optimist learns German.
A Pessimist learns Chinese.
A Realist learns AK-47.

Three guys are debating about which of their languages is the most pleasing to the ear.

The Spaniard says, "Consider the word for 'butterfly'. In Spanish, it is pronounced 'Mariposa', a beautiful sounding word."

The French man says, "True, but Papillion, the French word for butterfly, is even more beautiful."

"What's wrong with Schmetterlink," asks the German?

A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now."

The mexican man pleads with them, "No, noooo Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!"

The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I'm going to make it hard for him and says "Ok, I'll let you stay if you can use 3 english words in a sentence".

The Mexican man of course agrees.

The Border Patrol Agent tells him, "The 3 words are: Green, Pink and Yellow. Now use them in 1 sentence."

The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says, "Hmmm, Ok. The phone, it went Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?"

"Where's your pencil, Bud?" the teacher asked an American boy who had just come to school in Britain.

- I ain't got one, Sir.

- You're in England now, Bud. Not ain't, haven't. I haven't got a pencil. You haven't got a pencil. They haven't got a pencil.

- Gee! Pop said things were tough in this country, but I didn't know pencils were so hard to come by.

Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
→ Because it is the scenter (centre).

What did Hamlet say when he was thinking of sending a message?
→ To e or not to e, that is the question.

How do writers send e-mail?
→ On the Inkernet.